I remember lots, heaps, I remember moments so cherished they are encrusted with such goodness in my heart that thinking about the specific moment sends sparkles of wonder throughout myself.
If I could just say thank you, to this nurse.....
By the time I reached the Royal Melbourne Hospital to be looked at after my stroke, I'd spent much of the day declining at a rapid rate at the Phillip Island Hospital. Knowing whatever was happening to me was serious, I'd removed my wedding and engagement ring of my own doing, knowing that if I needed to have emergency treatment - they would need to be removed. I was a nurse - and that was what my training had taught me. How bizarre it would have been for my husband to watch me clumsily remove my rings. Maybe I talked as I sat them on the bedside table, whatever I said I knew didn't make sense as I watched the quizzical expression between nurses. Raised eyebrows, a small smile between them. That confused me - I was in trouble, I wasn't entertaining them.
I was choppered to the Royal Women's Hospital. They did what they needed to do which involved invading my private self, necessary at the time, but very invasive and then I was moved me on.
And then I entered the emergency room at the Royal Melbourne Hospital. By this time a light was shone in my eyes I heard the words "Non responsive" but there was something different about this environment to the chaos of a helicopter, the shoving around trying to solve the problem of ME. I felt the shift in the energy around me.
By this time - I was cold, so cold it hurt. By this time I was bruised, my whole body felt like one big bruise. I felt motionless and like my body was suddenly taken over like it had metal prongs immobilising it. By this time I had surrendered to the unwinding of my life. Was I scared? I don't know if scared is the right word - but I was HOLDING ON to myself. I was feeling my heart beat and visualising sending imaginary roots down from my heart to keep me in the room.
And then a nurse appeared in my field of vision, straight above my eyes.
She smiled, pressed a heavy warm blanket on my chest and said with absolute certainty that "We'll look after you now."
My mind went straight to my nursing training, knowing that I was being treated for shock in that moment. How thoughtful that someone actually stopped to recognise that I thought to myself at the time. Of course a nurse would do that!
If I could say thank you to this nurse - her actions, her saying "We" which gave me the trust that I would be seen by a team who would care for me.
This action was so monumental that when I hear a speech where the words "We etc etc" is given, I wait and listen to the next words, do I trust what is being said? Do the words sound authentic? Like they care or mean what they are saying? Are the words warm, like the warm blanket I felt. That may sound corny but it's true, especially in fields of service, which I guess includes politics.....hmmmm!!!
So I wish I could say thank you in person to that nurse for giving me much more than a warm blanket for shock.