Why doesn't the world make sense?
This is the question that has been on my mind for most of my life. I could never understand why bad things happen to good people. I could never understand why things happened for some people and not for others. Why some people in this world seem to breeze through, every door is open, and they have little trouble living their lives the way they dreamed. I know that underneath there may be struggles, and maybe it isn't all it seems.
But what really gets me down are the people who seem to have problems at every turn. Bad luck seems to follow them everywhere, and they just can't seem to get a break.
Unfortunately, these days, I seem to have fallen into the latter category. More bad news on the health front for me. I'm really struggling to make sense of it. My faith doesn't seem to hold too many answers for me, no faith tradition can answer these questions. Science can't answer them either. Science doesn't have a solution. The life I've imagined for myself and dreamed of for so long seems to be slipping away... to be replaced by... what? I have no answer for this question.
Once again the world doesn't make sense. Maybe after this time of grieving is over, something will present itself. I guess you can't see clearly through tears. I want to hope, but I feel like if I do it will only lead to greater disappointment.
So I'm trying to balance to need to hope with the need to grieve and accept that my life was never going to turn out the way I planned. Monday was a really bad day. I was in shock for most of the day, and you could have filled every river in Australia with the tears that fell. Yesterday I was full of hope, they would find a solution and things would turn out okay. Today there are mixed emotions.
I feel like the characters from Inside Out are in my head right now. Joy keeps telling me not to give up. Sadness is making frequent appearances. Fear is reminding me what could happen, and to be careful. Anger is lurking in the background, simmering away and not liking being ignored. I'm not sure what Disgust is doing, probably filing her nails...
Only time will tell what will happen, and maybe time will help the world make sense again.
Time is the greatest healer they say.
Okay, I'll give it time. It's all I've got to give right now.