If I could, would I want to return to my life before stroke?

“Hell YES” was my initial thought, but now I say “well actually, no”

Before my stroke in mid 2021 I was happily retired from professional engineering

I was enjoying working part-time as a handyman, helping a builder mate, learning new skills.I was enjoying my weekly comp squash and practice with team mates.

I had had a fabulous 10-week cycle touring holiday across Europe with my wife Cheryl on our tandem bicycle (see previous blog for history of Dale the tandem).

I was doing my bit riding tandems with my blind friends each week with our Exsight Tandems group.

In the months before the stroke I had had some magic solo camping trips – 3 nights canoeing up the Shoalhaven Gorge from Tallowa Dam, and similar time in my rooftop tent at a south coast beachside national park.

Life was cruisy. But in hindsight, a bit lacking in purpose.

In the first two weeks after the stroke, I just wanted to die. The pain was unbearable. The shock of that traumatic event was setting in and there was no end in sight for my hospital rehab stay.

Then something in me changed.

I have long been a Christian but one whose faith was a bit academic rather than lived. But God let me know somehow that I was OK – not that I would be ok in the future, but that I was ok then. My body was a bit stuffed but it was well with my soul. That sense has stayed with me ever since. It has been my source of hope and inspiration to keep going.

After 3 months of hospital rehab we had to move house – bonus number one. Cheryl had wanted to move for years but I was quite content in our 2-storey-too-big-for-empty-nesters house with bush views in suburban Wollongong. But this amazing little house in an area we would never have considered came our way. It backs right onto Lake Illawarra. We get to sit and watch amazing sunsets over the water. I get to enjoy a new and greater variety of birds. Plus great disabled access and great visitor accommodation. And did I mention canoe access to the lake – we bought a tandem pedal kayak. Cheryl and I can wheel it into the water. My physios take me out as well - great therapy!

I also have a view of the rehab hospital – which I look on with fond memories of amazing nurses and physios who helped start me realising I was not a total vegetable and encouraged me to work on getting moving.

I am continuing to work on walking and getting some use back in my once dominant right arm. I possibly once joked about giving an arm and a leg to get massages weekly and personalised physio attention at home. Now it’s a reality and those lovely therapists are now also friends. They encourage me emotionally and physically to keep going and keep improving. I would not like to think of life without knowing them.

I sold my bikes and loaned Dale to a friend. I can’t ride a regular bike – yet. But I am cycling again, thanks to a recumbent trike and even a semi recumbent tandem. What blessings. I am back to riding weekly with my Exsight friends.

My wife Cheryl has been the best buddy on earth. She has adapted to her new role as supporter / carer and primary driver with gusto. She puts up with grumpy me and lives our new life enthusiastically.

Life now has more meaning. I don’t take anything for granted. I look back on past experiences with new appreciation. Sometimes with sadness that I will never do some of those things again (maybe), but more often with gratitude.

My faith in God is now based on personal experience of His ongoing presence in my life.

I am more involved in the local and global community and being a bit of an activist for causes I believe in.

Would I want to go back to life before stroke? Hell yes! but only if I could take my new friends, faith and sense of purpose with me!

Stroke sucks, but life afterwards doesn’t have to.