Stress & stroke
In March 2020 I suffered a very large haemorrhagic stroke in my right frontal lobe with subarachnoid extension. This resulted in left side paralysis. Even though I had extensive tests to find the cause, to this day no reason has been found.
Naturally this frustrates me. As humans we all like to know why it is that something occurs, usually so we have something or someone to blame. So, for some time now I have blamed stress. At the time prior to having a stroke I was an active, fit, and healthy, busy 48-year-old mother of 4 with none of the risks associated with stroke. So for me stress seemed to be the only likely reason.
In the pursuit to becoming healthy again and lessen the chance of another stroke I began to try to reduce the things that caused me stress. To begin this process, I thought about what caused me so much stress in the first place. Not unlike most people it was the usual culprits…work, pressures of household duties, kids’ problems, extended family worries, not having enough time to get everything done, friendships, finances etc. But then this led to the question of why was it that these factors produced so much stress for me, when these are concerns many people deal with during their lives without it ultimately causing a stroke?! And I couldn’t possibly remove these things that can cause me stress as they are all important parts of my life. I couldn’t ignore family and friends when they had problems and I need to have control of my finances etc.
It was then that I realized it isn’t the stress that is dangerous and may have contributed to the downturn in my health. Stress is a normal part of daily life. It is the way we handle or control it that is the key to staying healthy in both body and mind. I had had the mindset that I had to “fix” all the problems and if I could do it on my own without having to bother anyone else, all the better. I went out of my way to try to keep everyone happy and life ticking along perfectly at the expense of myself.
Having a stroke was the hardest way to learn this lesson, (one of many lessons). I have had no choice now but to put myself and my recovery higher up on my list of priorities… physical, mental and emotional. However, I certainly have not disregarded the struggles of the people I care about as they still need me and I will not let them down by being completely selfish. I still remain supportive & attentive, offer advice when asked and assist them to search for the solutions that are right for them. I have learnt not to take on the problems of others as my own. Goodness knows I have enough of my own now. Nevertheless, I have found the right tools and knowledge through my experience that not only help me cope with my own stress but also allow me to be more patient, understanding and compassionate of other people’s issues and assist me to provide constant reassurance, hope and encouragement of their own strengths and capabilities.
To manage the stress in our lives we cannot simply remove the things or people who contribute to our worries (unless the impact of them being in our lives is destructive) but instead we need to improve how we ourselves control our responses to certain events or dilemas and to remember to immerse ourselves firstly in our own healthy mindset in order to support someone else in theirs.
What do others do to manage their stress? Or what lessons have you learnt through having a stroke?