I have disability but society disables me (aka You're all arseholes)

Hi Adrian, people are such arseholes, aren't they & they don't even know it. I had my stroke at 48, pneumonia same time & a year later I had a Aortic valve replacement (open heart surgery). Had my 2nd Aortic valve replacement (a do-over) in May, 2019 which I'm still recovering from & yet people walk into me, let doors go in front of me & knock my stick over. One woman looked straight at me, unsmiling & walked so close, she banged my "bad" side? 

I try not to let these things get to me but they do. I live in a coastal village but if I lived in a big City I don't think I'd go out very often. I have to look down most of the time to check for obstacles & I sort of swing my affected side (right) leg so I need that but of extra room. (You, lady, are an arsehole).

So, I too empathise with you & thoroughly loved your post. Can I say I laughed a lot?

Chin up & sod the arseholes.  

Julie 

Morning all,

Let's call this "The long, slow, grind of acceptance."

Over time anger is neither healthy nor sustainable and I need to move on. It's two weeks since I vented and today I had a new experience on my morning commute. About half an hour ago a woman knocked my cane out of my hand at the station, that's a pleasant first, and rather that going straight to anger I just shrugged and accepted that she's an arsehole and got on with getting out of a busy station full of arseholes as quickly and as incident free as I could. My commute sucks, I look and feel different because I use something I don't want, you're all arseholes, society rubs my disability in my face and I'm ok with that.

I can't control arseholes, yet, so I need to move to acceptance. Thirteen years post-stroke and I'm feeling a bit of a battle weary veteran, and as is always the lesson, it comes back to acceptance. I can't cherry pick what I will and won't accept about stroke so I have to take the whole lot.

Acceptance is satisfying and an interesting intellectual exercise and a source of great power. Within weeks of leaving hospital I accepted I had to hand in my licence and not driving would pretty much change the rest of my life. It has. I accept that having had major heart surgery at 34 I will probably need more. I'll probably die younger. I accept that I no longer do the job and career I loved. I accept that I will regularly fall over and experience pain. There's some pretty BIG life lessons right there and I've accepted them all and moved on and away from anger. Understand I don't have to like them, I don't, but I can't have a constant arm wrestle with them and survive, I accept the lot. But, I've struggled with "silly" things along the way. I used to get angry that my "bad" hand made doing up shoelaces difficult, like it was it's fault. Anger. I often wear slip ons...problem solved. I got angry that people feel they can ask "what's wrong with you" when they meet me. I used to get sad that my daughter would get wet when we walked home from day care if it rained because I couldn't drive. Silly things.

The long, slow, grind of acceptance is where I always return to. It isn't easy, it is a grind, I struggle with it, have arm wrestles with it, my left arm is pretty buff because it does all the work and I'll back it, and always want to win the fight but then I succumb to acceptance. This is easier and I am more peaceful and don't waste energy. Acceptance is gentle. I have a lifelong lesson in acceptance and humility ahead of me thanks to stroke but it is from here I get my strength to deal with arseholes. Arseholes in many forms will always be lurking out there but I just need to accept that and move on.

Have a lovely day.

Ade

Thanks, I will have a lovely day, you too Ade.