Self determination

A few blogs about recovery have prompted me to talk about when self discovery/determination leads to improvement. When access to professional help - is not available, what to do, what to do?? Certainly I didn't stop thinking about ways of minute by minute recovery - it reminded me when I watched the second hand click by on the hospital ward clock when lying on my side for two hours at a time after coming out of ICU. Patients.

My experience of Aphasia and all things communication wise after my stroke (apart from everything else), leading to total stress response in any situation needing me to communicate. Which then impacted every other physical and emotional way of my being.

My vision, balance, posture, co-ordination have all improved in the last six months after reaching enormous stress responses for many reasons since 2016 - many years after my stroke. Past trauma from my stroke experience was one of the reasons for my decline.

Not being able to pronounce many of the complicated diagnosis's but able to understand how they affected my day to day quality of life has been frustrating from when I had my stroke it doesn't mean I am any less intelligent and the more I am treated like I am unintelligent the more trauma response I have. I understand how my lack of function in areas impacts me. I feel very alienated by this, but not unintelligent.

EYES WIDE OPEN (2017)

Today my eyes were wide open

And an unfiltered stream of life flowed into my thirsty brain

I wondered about everything that settled onto parched crevasses of my mind

Like seeing greying pieces of coral light up with colour

Alive with activity

Matching this tsunami of stimulation

Comes noise

Sounds that settle onto swollen surfaces inside tender ear canals

Linking these two normalities makes my head hurt

Then comes the need to say something

To contribute to life

I hesitate before continuing boldly

My contribution

What will happen to my voice as I respond to life?

Nina