the potholed raod to recovery

im now 4 years post stroke
mostly doing ok i think

but i have had my low points

im doing this post

because at times i felt like giving up

and i want give hope to others

yes its a tough road with lots of gravel, potholes and getting bogged

things ive learned and trying to pass on to anyone who wants listen

every stroke victim is different

there is no one size fits all for recoverY and therapy

the medical fraternity have done a great job developing stratedgies to fix a lot of things

but there are some things they are is still trying to figure out

i was a civil structural engineeer for 40 yeqars

i also played saxohone, keys ands guitar and sang in rock band

the intial testing showed physivcally i came though reasonably well

but id lost some "reocgnition" in my left eye which meant i lost my drivers license

there were no therapy exercises to repair my eyesight and the therapists could not offer any suggestions

in other blogs i have explained what i did to repair my eyesight and gain my drivers licsence

the thing that really hurt and went undetected for quite a while was

the stroke damaged my ability to play music and sing in time with the band

when the others were playing i could not distinguish the drums guitars, bass and singin to know where i was supposed to be in a song to play or sing along

all i could hear was white noise

i ended up having audiology tests that showed at lowish noise my hearing was reasonable and that the ear itself was not damaged

but as the volume increased my brain was unable to process all the noise and just merged everything or parts of it into one horrible signal(white noise)

so back to coming out of hospital

they let me out becasuse i could actually look after myself

cook clean shower toilet etc wihtout 24 hr care and supervision

trying to get back to work was a goal

i got back in for a little while

the doctors asked my managers to only give me non urgent work that i could take my time working through and limited hours per week well that doesnt exist in engineering

i realised very quickly that my ability to focus and concentrate for lengthy periods was significantly reduced

i toiled on slowly for about 12 months before the realisation of forced retirement was looming

i practiced the guitar and saxophone when i could
i had to rebuild the strength and muscle memory in my fingersvfor playing the guitar

i had to rebuild the strength of my facial muscles and embouchure to play the sax

i think looking back that my speech therapist had the greatest impact on my recovery so far

the exercises she gave me really helped with my coginitive abilities

the imrpovements i made I was able to recognise my self

so far because im still recovering

its hard to accept that i may never be the same as i was before

she linked my up with a music therapist who linked me up with a dementia choir she was working with

with the dementia choir I was able to play guitar along with the keyboard player and sing in a low noise environment

the music therapist let me know when she could see me improving

this gave me confidence to start playing the sax again and i joined a local community orchestra so that i could read along with the music keep time in my head with the rhythm and watch the conductors batton-"double reinforcement "(visual and sound)

ive since joined another community band

its not what it was but at least im playing music again

and im still alive

at times i didnt want to be but im glad now that i road out the lows to see some new highs aand make some new friends

you have to fill in the poholes yourself to make the road smoother

every pothole you fill in gives you strength to fill in the nexxt one

i still get tired very quickly

So dont give up

there is a light at the end of the tunnel

its not the head light on the train