Friendships after stroke
Have your friendships changed in any way since you had your stroke? Mine have.
Immediately after my stroke, many friends wanted to visit and check I was ‘OK’ but all I wanted was peace and quiet and time to rest. I found it difficult telling them that and some didn’t understand (I suppose that’s normal), so I tried to allow visits and completely wore myself out. I recall after one visit, after half an hour of chatting, I told my friend that I really needed rest as I was too tired talking. She said: “That’s OK, I will talk and you listen.” I can smile about that now. Once again, I think it is just a lack of understanding as to how fatigued we become.
Following my post stroke depression, some people I knew told me that they, too, had suffered some form of depression and it would be good to get together. I didn’t want to talk about depression with them. I wanted to go out and have a coffee and a good laugh! Once again, I found it hard to convey my thoughts so these friends became distant as they didn’t understand and I couldn’t seem to explain how I felt. I didn’t want to upset anyone.
As the months progressed, I found it embarrassing that I couldn’t attend parties and special occasions because of the ‘sensory overload’ and the fact it would put me in bed for a week (three years on I sometimes still feel like that). I recall one occasion when I told one close friend that I had another commitment and she found out. We had lots of tears and she then told me I should just be honest as she hadn’t appreciated how I felt.
It was from then on that I have been honest and no longer embarrassed. I recall watching the Stroke Foundation video about fatigue to many of my friends on social media and it was at that point that many said they now, truly understood how I felt when I said I was fatigued. That helped so much. Now we go to places that are less noisy, in only small groups and they understand if I have to leave early because I feel fatigued.
I have not been one to attend therapy or stroke groups but I have recently met Chris Kay and the ‘Young Queensland Stroke Support Group’ and it was great to chat together about how we feel, our experiences etc. It was also good to chat about everything else too and nobody flinched when you stuttered or lost your words.
I think my point is just be yourself, be honest and your friends will understand. Those that don’t are not your true friends.