Forwards again
What do I do when I've been told to keep writing - but my writing usually leads to uncomfortable situations being recalled, I'll keep writing.
This is the writing where I'm reclaiming. My life after stroke was hard to reclaim, because being a sitting/slouching, non talking, wobbly grieving human being made me an easy target, I'm still reclaiming, thought by thought, memory by memory.
The no I screamed internally as for the hundreth time I was shuffled into spaces where I was pushed beyond emotional limits.
I remember being told to try Thai Chi again and again after I left rehab. My nervous system in no way allowed for a stable stance and each time I was asked to perform a balancing posture in any medical space I would fail at the attempt and then I'd be gone, left with no follow up, no kind word, no comfort, just another failed attempt at engaging me in the space that was supposed to help me find solutions. I am if nothing a determined creature and if it looked like I was giving up at times - I wasn't I was re grouping, re gaining for the next attempt.
The most progress I've made, is where I'm not being watched or monitored or assessed or compared. It's my sacred space being alone or in the community as I practice anything that moves me forward.
And I have now added a 15 minute Thai Chi routine to my practices because I am stable enough in my posture to do it. I love it!
It's why I never offer anyone advice or suggestions on what to try, we know ourselves best. In my post stroke state - if I was to say no to something, it was quickly overided by a "not being motivated enough" rather than looking at the reason I might have been saying or demonstrating no.
No is a powerful word in post stroke recovery.
By writing this - again I move forwards.
Nina