EnableMe | enableme - stroke recovery and support

Stroke survivor and StrokeSafe Speaker Jeff Ryan has written the following article about his experience with depression and anxiety, and he has generously allowed us to share it with you:

My name is Jeff Ryan and I suffered a stroke in 2005.

I was a banker and for me it was a time of uncertainty, especially as I had just gone through the merger of the Commonwealth Bank and the State Bank.

The stroke affected me more emotionally and psychologically rather than physically.

Physically, the stroke affected my balance, coordination and concentration. My left eye was affected and I now have three eye floaters which effect my peripheral vision.

For the first 18 months [after my stroke] I experienced vertigo. I had lost a lot of weight and I did not like the way I now looked.

In the initial stages of my recovery, my processing of incoming information was impacted. I started to feel that I had lost my identity as that of a father, husband, bank manager and football umpires coach.

I was suffering a deep sense of loss and I was becoming very depressed with my life as I now saw it. I kept on asking myself, “Why me?”

I was a non-smoker, a non-drinker. I kept asking myself, “How did I have a stroke? Where did I go wrong?”

At the time, I was not good with faces [I couldn’t recognise people] and I was having little memory lapses, which was starting to worry me.

Also my body’s temperature control was not functioning normally; on 30 degree days I was very cold. I had to be very aware of this from a hydration point of view.

I was experiencing days where I could not see a way forward and I knew that something had to change if I was going to make the recovery that I was hoping for.

I knew that I had to retrain my mind and focus positive energy on what I had and NOT what I did NOT have.

Goal setting

Being a banker and working with a very successful team, my goals were always based around remuneration, promotion and sales targets. They were mainly business-related goals.

Around 22 months after my stroke I was ill-health retired by the bank. I wasn’t yet 55. I was in a very bad space at this time in my life, I felt a complete and utter failure. I could not see how I could contribute to again being employed after my stroke.

I think in life we all have what I call light bulb moments, where we can see some light at the end of a tunnel.

I had recently spoken to a very close friend who had told me about this saying: “It is okay to look into the rear vision mirror but do not stare for too long.”

Suddenly, I realised that’s exactly what I had been doing.

From that point on I knew that I had been given a second chance at life. I had to reinvent myself and set some new goals based around what I now call the NEW ME.

My new goals

Aim to be happy – look at the positives in my life.
Develop some hobbies that Denise [my wife] and I can do together.
Provide support to my two sons and their families.
Give my Dad some quality time.
Focus on health and wellbeing… Always remember, “Your health is your wealth”.
Continue my charity work with Reclink Australia.

Quotes

“If you dream you can do it.”

“Success should NOT come easy… You need the 3 Ps:

Patience,
Perseverance, and
Passion”

(Layne Beachley, 7 times World Surfing Champion)

I regularly revisited these quotes to keep my recovery within a positive framework.

Recent achievements

I have written a short story which I entered in the Alan Marshall short story competition, and even though I did not win it is something that I am proud of.
Now learning a language: Spanish.
Continue to be a voice for stroke survivors in my role as a passionate Ambassador for the Stroke Foundation.

Fatigue

Fatigue is a sleeping giant for me and it can creep up on me at any time without warning.
I have to always be aware of NOT overdoing things.
I have made adjustments in my life to counteract the onset of fatigue centred on a balanced diet, lifestyle and listening to what my body is telling me.

Help to stay at home

My rehab was undertaken as an outpatient at Heidelberg Repat stroke unit, where I had access to a range of services and specialists.

enableme was not around when I was going through my rehab – I wish it was.

I spent close to 18 months confined to the house and I did not drive for nearly 12 months.

Personality changes

After my stroke I was very hard to live with and it was all about me, e.g. “Why me”, “Poor me.”
I experienced anger, frustration, desperation and fits of crying. I became very moody and I wanted to be on my own a lot.
I was selfish and I now know that my wife and two sons were also finding it hard to accept that their husband/father was not bulletproof.
Without their loving support and caring I would not have made the recovery that I did and be the person that I am today.
I also realise, that the longer I live the more I realise the importance and impact that a positive attitude can have on life.

What to expect in the first few days

You have to realise that you have suffered a major medical event and that your recovery will be a challenging time for you and your family.
Confusion, understanding, communicating and loss of movement are just a few of the areas that might be affected due to your stroke… It really is a very scary time.
Emotions take over and some people can be in denial… Is this really happening to me and will I recover to be the same person as I was before the stroke?

Carers and families

Both carers and stroke survivors need counselling.
Try and NOT let the stroke define you as a person and a family. Get on the front foot and you manage the stroke. Try new things and ideas and start by getting onto the enableme
Ask for support and do not wait too long.
As a carer and a family member, learn to understand and try and gain an acceptance that the stroke survivor might NOT be the same person as he or she was before the stroke… Having said that, deep down even though he or she might not look or sound the same they are still the same person.

Questions to ask

What caused my stroke?
What type of stroke did I have?
Can I make a full recovery and how long will it take?
Where can I learn more about stroke? Stroke Foundation website and enableme.

“There is life after stroke, even if it takes time to realise it.”

Jeff Ryan
Stroke Safe Ambassador

Watch our video on Emotions featuring Jeff Ryan.

Hi Jeff

Nice to meet you and thank you for sharing your own experiences of recovery and breaking everyday life down into the sections. This will help others in seeing what worked for you.

I agree EnableMe has such a strength in giving/sharing peoples ownership through some of life's very difficult situations being thrown at people. We all learn from each other. Very thankful that I discovered this site and I continue to let others know what a wonderful website it is .

All the very best for you and your families future!

Sue Bowden

Hi Jeff,

Thanks for your tips on how to deal with all of these problems and still have a good and happy life. I still have a number of dilemmas to work on but I think I am on the right track.

As you and other survivors said EnableMe is an excellent safe place to talk to others who have concerns and questions about their strokes and recover.

Again, thanks for the positive vibe.

Marcus

Thank you Jeff. The power of affirmations does help even if it is smiley faces or simply I can do this. When my partner was down post stroke I often left notes with smiley faces for him or pinned one to the wall so when he went to get up he saw it.

Hi Jeff, thank you for sharing your story. I was a banker pre stroke. Just short of six months after joining Bankwest from ANZ I suffered a major stroke. I must say, Bankwest was very good throughout this period. Now, I'm with CBA (since BW Property was folded into CBA CFS) and I'd like to return to work this year. Can you share a few tips as to how best to deal with return to work? What support to ask for, e.g. And what to expect. Thanks, Michael

Hi Michael, Jeff has supplied the following answer to your question:

Unfortunately for me I loved my job in the Bank however my attempt to return to work was very short-lived and I only lasted just under a month. It only took a month for me to realise that I could NOT return to my old role as a Senior Bank Manager managing one of the largest branches in the Eastern Zone.

For me the Bank was outstanding in managing my exit/ill-health retirement from the Bank. They gave me tremendous support as I found it difficult to accept that I would no longer be part of an organisation that I had spent the last 37 years working for.

Here are some tips for Michael but just remember everyone will have different return to work experiences:

Listen to your body – Before going back to work I was still experiencing bouts of vertigo and sometimes my fine motor skills, such as picking up a pen and writing a letter, were affected. I also thought that my memory was OK but it wasn’t until I was put under pressure in a work situation that I CLEARLY found out that my memory, recall and retention of information was way below average. My return to work was mainly instigated by me in consultation with the medical staff and my Zone Manager from the Commonwealth Bank. In fairness to them they thought that I was NOT ready and they were clearly right.
In hindsight maybe I should have attempted to go back to work for one or two days in a much lesser role. The challenge for me at that stage in my recovery was too much and it actually set my confidence and anxiety to a very low level.
Michael, I am not too sure what your role is in the Bank, however again on reflection are there any exercises you could do at home to assist you in returning to work? I am currently working with a stroke survivor at the moment who will NOT be able to return to work as a personal trainer. He is embracing new challenges such as painting, card tricks, and learning Spanish. He is developing new skills and is hoping to rejoin the work force in a completely different role.
Listen to the medical staff, family and friends, and especially your workplace managers and make sure that they ALL agree that you are ready to return to the workforce.