I am immensely proud of my children

By Shelley,

I am immensely proud of my children, and I hope that they are proud of themselves too. When a stroke happens, it happens to a family and my children have carried the burden that is stroke, just as I have.

I love you, Kendal and Kayla your resilience, courage and how you have handled yourselves during these past few years is amazing.

I had my stroke in 2019.

I was at a birthday party celebration. I wasn’t feeling great and had a terrible headache. I don’t usually have headaches, I thought it was a bit odd but didn’t think much of it. As we were driving home, I said to my husband Craig “I’m not feeling well” and he asked me if I was okay, but my speech was garbled, and I don’t remember much after that.

I managed to get into the house, and he sat me on the bed and looked at my face which was slightly drooped. Craig knew the common signs of stroke (F.A.S.T) and called the ambulance (triple 000) immediately. He also organised the girls to go next door to their nanny’s. It was very scary for us all and I am so proud of how my family kept calm.

I have some memories of being in the ambulance as I was being triaged as a stroke patient. The paramedic was talking to me telling me that the stroke team were ready and waiting for me.

The next memory I have is at hospital. Tests showed that I had a clot and they wanted to give me clot busting drugs. I had to give consent, but I couldn’t talk, the nurse touched my foot and I nodded. I was administered TPA immediately.

I was wheeled to the stroke ward in Frankston Hospital. I was confused and emotional. I knew that it was Mother’s Day and it was not the way I wanted to be spending it.

Being wheeled into the stroke ward was something I’ll never forget as I was the youngest by about 30 years. I think that will stay with me forever. My daughters came in to see me and the look of fear in their eyes was heartbreaking.

I couldn’t eat or drink for 72 hours until we worked out what was going on. I had a wonderful neurologist who said to me, “Shelley, I don’t want you to worry but I would like to do a test on your heart because you are very young to have a stroke. I want to check something – we call it the bubble test”. I was so tired and overwhelmed I just went with it.

I had the test and that’s when they found the hole in my heart. I have since learned that many younger people who have strokes have a PFO. When I finally had the time and energy to reflect, it occurred to me that I was having signs in the days prior to my stroke - just little ones.

I was clumsy and when I looked in the mirror, I thought that my face looked strange. But you talk yourself out of the idea that there is an issue. The stroke left me with mobility issues. I couldn’t walk and run backwards, and numbers were difficult to comprehend. But by far it was the emotional and mental health challenges that have plagued me.

I have been in a level of denial right up to today, especially about how impacted we have all been. I came out physically okay, and I put everything else that was going on to the side. My grief is in a little box inside my heart, and I am only now coming to terms with what has happened.

I feel guilt that I put my girls through the trauma of stroke, and at such a young age. I am changed, it’s hard to reconcile, but I am different – for them that must be hard to figure out.

But for what we have all lost, there are things that we’ve gained. I have taught my girls about resilience, to never give up. For that I am immensely grateful. We’ve also learned some valuable lessons about compassion and kindness, to yourself and others. These are lessons that we can all carry into our futures.