HOP with an E by Claire Hanney

I did it: I hopped six weeks ago. I couldn’t have imagined it 11 years ago: there was no hop(e).

A stroke struck in my 48th year I was too young, too fit, no warning signs but it happened all the same. There were no obvious causes, 5 or 6 “million to one” chances according to the doctors. In those first few weeks I was in shock, it seemed to be happening to someone else, it was a dream I’d wake up from, it would be ok. But it wasn’t.

I had lost movement and feeling in my right-hand side and I lost the ability to speak. (An aside - using the word lost means that I will find it again - I didn’t know that at the time, words are so powerful). In those first few weeks I was swept along, it was as though I was in a trance. I forgot that things didn’t work, for example when I went to pick up a cup of tea I knocked it over and the boiling tea blistered my hands. Fortunately there was no pain, as there was no feeling: there is often a silver lining.

It didn’t take long to realise that it wasn’t a dream. This was it. The fears crowded in: “how can I get through the next day”, “what if I can’t walk again”, “what if I can’t talk”, “how can I survive”, “how was I ever going to work again”. My overriding fear was “I don’t want to be disabled”. It was this fear that pushed me to recover although I didn’t realise it at the time. For me it was not socially acceptable to voice a fear about disability, I believed that I was motivated by “playing squash again”.

According to the doctors I would make all my major gains over the next three months. After that progress would slow down and after 2 years that was it! After the chat nothing happened no physio, no occupational therapy (OT), half an hour with a speechie that was it for 3 weeks, “why wasn’t there anyone to help me” no hope again. Time was slipping away, three months is a short time. Tired so tired and no hope I felt as though it was an impossible task to recover.

I was fortunate that Lyn a nurse looking after me told me a story about a person who like me had had a stroke. She was still improving 8 years down the track. I have never forgotten that brief chat which gave me hope: one day! That was 11 years ago, slowly and surely I have been able to feel my right-hand side again, it’s not perfect yet I’m still improving however I can now hop.

Doctors are not infallible they only work with the information they have. Science is making huge strides in understanding that we humans can recover from devastating conditions. People make remarkable recoveries that doctors can’t explain you only need to look on the web to know this. To recover you need to be open to all possibilities, that you believe you can recover and you do whatever it takes. Look inside as your recovery and health is in your hands.