No longer disasters, just disappointing - Tracey

Has your loved one's stroke given you a different perspective and grounded you?

For my family, it has.

When Greater Sydney went into lockdown, it was the morning of our daughter, Sam’s, twenty-first birthday.

The theme for her party was ‘The Great Gatsby’. We had a casino with card tables, a roulette wheel, black, white and gold – everything!

Everyone had their costumes, friends had lent us props, tables and chairs, and my Mum had catered.

Sam was at the hairdresser, when I had to text her with the bad news.
But people at the salon were lovely. They fussed over her, and a stranger paid for her treatment, while another salon patron paid the rest.

In the end, we had three hours to contact 102 guests and let them know the party was a non-event.

Milestones are important for any family, especially the significant ones for your kids. We were all disappointed.

But, Sam, she took it in her stride. She made the tough decision of who to invite, and made the necessary arrangements.

I wonder if any of us would have responded the way we did before Mark’s strokes.

Sam was stunning in her dress and wore a huge smile the entire night.

We received lots of beautiful messages from friends, many lamenting the cancellation, but to us this was a blip on the radar.

We’ll redo our Gatsby themed party on Mark’s 60th, in February 2022.

I’ve come to realise that we rate disasters on a different scale than we used to.

For us, disasters are health-related. As we watch Mark’s deterioration after his strokes, we seem to surrender more easily to life's other ups and downs.

I know that I have changed. Now I am reminded of the resilience of my daughter - how quickly she’s had to grow up.

We are extremely proud of the woman Sam has become.

So, what were the silver linings?

Sam had a small group of friends at the party – no rule breaking – just five.

She had a great time, and the next day, relatives and grandparents came to visit in shifts.

The smaller groups allowed her to talk to everyone, and most importantly, Mark was there to celebrate with her.

There have been some hairy times over the last eleven years, some where I didn’t think that Mark would make it.

Sam knows about some of those times, but not all, as she was too young. She’s grown up with stroke since she was a 10-year-old. She’s watched her dad fight to stay alive, and has played an active role in supporting both Mark and me.

I have heard Stroke Foundation say, “Stroke doesn’t happen to an individual, it does happen to a family.” This is bloody true for us.

Oh, and funnily enough my oven exploded on the day, so heating up the food would have been impossible. Nuff said!

I would love to hear how stroke has changed your family members’ perspective.