Five years on

Five years ago today, my life changed forever—In an instant, everything I knew about my body, independence, and future was thrown into uncertainty. Healing hasn’t been just physical; it’s also meant relearning how to navigate a world that suddenly felt different. There’s moments of immense frustration, but also triumphs—small victories that become milestones.

People say, “Look how well you’ve recovered!”—but my recovery is ongoing. Getting to this point has been incredibly tough & continuing to move forward will be just as challenging. People only see the outside. What they don’t see are also the invisible disabilities, the hidden emotions, the daily mental effort just to appear “normal”, the struggle with fatigue as my brain works overtime to get my body to comply, just to complete a normal daily task. The fear and anxiety have lessened, but sadness, disappointment, and loss still linger—of friendships that faded, and the job I loved.

But the hardest part of all? The guilt I feel that I’m letting my family down. Not being able to care for and provide for my family the way I once did and not being able to independently look after my grandchildren when needed. That loss cuts the deepest, It’s not how I had envisioned being a Nana. But I’m working to change that—getting ready for the arrival of the next two babies, determined to be there in every way I can.

Today, as I reflect on the past 5 years, I feel sad at the loss of my once capable, reliable & independent self but also grateful. Grateful that acceptance is stronger, depression and anxiety are weaker, and fears come and go. Grateful for my progress, my true friends, my ever-supportive family, and some new purposes I’ve embraced.

Surviving a stroke changed me —it forced a shift in my outlook on life; my priorities changed, things that once seemed stressful, now seem trivial & the definition of success was redefined - celebrating progress rather than perfection.

5 years on - it’s more than just the physical recovery; it’s remembering life is fragile but adaptable, & that even in loss there is room for growth, resilience and finding new purpose in order to find a new way forward