Intimate relationships (first published in Synapse)
Why do relationships change after a brain injury? Everyone needs to feel loved, to feel valued. We all need people to talk and laugh with, spend time with, share ideas, worries, and joys. But friendships and intimate relationships can often change drastically for both people after a brain injury.
Here are some statements people often share after they or a loved one has sustained a brain injury:
Our friends don’t call or come by anymore.
I am lonely all the time.
I can’t relate to other people.
Other people don’t want to be around me or my loved one.
People seem to avoid me.
Who am I now? How do we all fit together now as a family?
No one understands me or what I’m going through.
I feel abandoned, rejected, unworthy, different.
After an injury, family roles can change; sometimes jobs are lost, finances can become a significant worry, and with all these changes come stresses on relationships.
What can you do? Talk with people you trust. They may be able to help you figure out solutions to your problems, or talking to them may just make you realize you are not alone. Don’t isolate yourself. Friends and family want to help. Let them. Create a positive network of help and support. This can include friends and family; it can also include people from a support group who know what you are going through.
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Some fresh air or a walk can often clear your mind and give you a renewed perspective.
Consider finding a peer mentor. By establishing relationships with others who face similar challenges, you’re able to learn about local support systems and the ins and outs of dealing with them. More importantly, you can develop a relationship with someone who can empathize with you emotionally.
What about sex? Talking about sex is tricky for a lot of people, especially for people - and their partners - after a brain injury. There can be a variety of sexual problems associated with a brain injury including diminished drive, physical impairments, depression and lack of self worth, among others. A change in roles within a couple can also impact a couple’s intimacy. Once an equal partnership, post-injury a couple may feel more like a parent and a child, making intimacy far more challenging for both partners, the caregiver in particular. If sexual problems don’t resolve themselves, seeking the help of a mental health professional who is familiar with brain injury, who specialises in helping people cope with depression, and who is comfortable discussing sexual difficulties can help.
There are also various treatment options to consider:
Medications for mood
Medications for sexual dysfunction
Individual and couples counseling
Referral for endocrine workup
There are many reasons why relationships are important to all of us. Take some time to think about the positive changes that may come about in your life when you have good relationships. Share your feelings with important people in your life and find ways to tell them how much they mean to you.
Used with permission from BrainLine.org, a WETA website at www.BrainLine.org
Article originally printed in Synapse Bridge Magazine Volume 14