Busy, repairing potholes.

Do you fear the uncertainty a life changing event forces upon you? Whether it is, an accident, some kind of tumour, a brain injury, a stroke. How do you overcome the impact of a major calamity? How do you build a new life?

Whatever the reason, we just don’t cope very well with sudden, unexpected change. Our life was comfortable the way it was. At least, that’s what we think.

And now......? It all changed – often in a matter of seconds.

Several people have asked me how I, as a counsellor and stroke survivor, approach mentoring a fellow survivor. Despite what some people might think, it is not a question of fixing anything. Because nothing is broken. All it is, we have something taken away from us. Our comfort zone.

Whenever we have an experience that forces us to build a new life, we are thrown out off our comfort zone. So, building a new life, really means building a new comfort zone. We like to surround ourselves with positive things. Be it photographs that give us a warm, fuzzy feeling, nicely designed furniture, books of an author who we admire, friendly people – anything that makes us feel good.

Building a new comfort zone is not easy, because it means we have to venture out into the panic zone. This can be frightening. Anyone released from the relative safety of a hospital can relate to this somewhat unfounded fear. Consequently the born again citizen appreciates someone who holds his/her hand.

This is where a mentor comes in. Someone who has walked this road of recovery before. A road that is littered with potholes. The mentor does not repair them. Nor does he tell whether, or not, to walk around them. He just points them out. It is important that the person receiving the rehabilitation makes their own decision what to do with the potholes. The whole idea of rehabilitation is to regain control of one’s life.
Of course it is always good practice to smooth them over, or repair them, and hence, pave the ways for the next person that comes along.

In real life these potholes are, of course, obstacles. Difficulties we might encounter along the way. It could be in social situations: intimate or public, relationship complications, or matters related to the illness/disability itself, like managing fatigue, e.g.

It is quite normal to be fearful of these “new” situations. The only time “new” is good, is in advertising. In rehabilitation “new” signals change. The good thing about the “new” in change is that we are in control of it. We decide what we paint on this “clean canvas”. The mentor merely helps mixing the colours – thereby pointing out the potholes.

Whatever the life changing experience we’ve had, we have a responsibility to help other people overcome whatever they are going through.
If we want to accomplish positive change we have to extend our hand.