So is okay if you can give me a lift

Cynthia. I can understand your dilemma of asking for family help. If my husband is not free to taxi me I use half price taxi or Red Cross that run a excellent transport to appointments service. I needed to register with.Red Cross.easily done by phone. Pre stroke I was a active independent woman so had to learn to ask for help .i like the feeling of independence useing other services gives me. I am unaware of your situation, living alone post stroke can produce  other difficulties. The Red Cross run another great service called Telecross to daily contact people living alone to check on their well being.  Cheers Jenny

Hi Cynthia

I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through since your stroke. I am glad that Sue and Jenny have reached out to you already.  They have some great advice and experiences to share.

I agree with Jenny regarding looking into Red Cross transport for medical appointments. They are only available in some of the states, so might be available in your area.  Have you spoken with your GP about completing a form for the half price taxi card? This service can assist with managing the cost of transport.  Depending on where you live, it might also be worth talking with the medical professionals you attend about an appointment using non emergency patient transport, although there are some eligibility requirements that apply.   Attending your medical appointments is an importance part of taking care of yourself and staying as well as you can, but I understand it can be difficult to get to multiple appointments.

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job at getting back to being independent, the fact that you are able to take care of your household tasks and meals shows that you have worked hard on your ongoing recovery.  Sometimes it can be helpful to think about all the things you can do rather than focusing on the tasks you are still having some difficulty with. Focus on your wins and consider that asking for help doesn’t have to be negative, but a way of continuing to become more independent.

It might also be helpful to talk with someone, either one of the health professionals on StrokeLine, or even a psychologist about ways to feel comfortable asking for help with certain tasks. It sounds like you have a supportive family, who would want to provide support in a way that helps you.   

We would be happy for you to give us a call and we can talk about some other options that might be helpful for you, including how to speak with your family about the type of support you need. You can call us on Ph. 1800 787 653.  It can be very difficult managing the loss of independence following a stroke, and so reaching out on EnableMe is a great start.

Kind regards

Siobhan (StrokeLine)

Hi Cynthia, asking people for help is so hard. I too can;t drive so am reliant on my husband taking me whereever I need to go but I know this then impacts on his work so trying to balance the two never seems to work out. That dreaded word 'burden' springs to midn so often...soemtimes I think it must be on eof the worst words invented!

Take care, Toni

Hi Cynthia, I'm sorry you are feeling like that. I relate to how you feel as I was very independent, always supporting everyone else, running around like I can't remember what.

I was only in the hospital for 8 days. I don't remember too much on the early days in there, but I was fortunate that when I came home, 3 of my children took turns to stay over with me.

My eldest daughter fractured my sternum a week earlier, which I don't know if it was what caused my stroke, as the Drs are not sure yet. I had my stroke on the 8th of January 2019. As things were improving for me, I became more independent and the kids had to go back with their jobs and kids. I had O/T Therapists coming into my home every day during the week. This went on for about 2 months.

We had planned our wedding for the 23rd of February, so I had family come over from NZ for a couple of weeks, so there was a lot of excitement happening. The OT Therapist stopped, the family went home after the wedding, and then the reality, I was alone.

My husband is an Interstate Loonghaul Driver and is only home for 1-2 days at a time. I had a teenager granddaughter living with me but has gone home to her Dad in NZ. My daughter separated from her partner after the wedding so she has moved in with me, but is hardly home because of work or their daughter who they share her care, which has been helping them to sort out their issues.

So a lot of the time I have been feeling quite lonely. My friends or work colleagues came to visit me when I was first home, but then for the last 4-5 months, very little visited. I was able to drive, I was getting depressed with my OT Therapist, but eventually it sorted out as she recommended me to be able to drive, thank God for that. I w3as feeluing so depressed as like yourself, not wanting to rely on my children, even though I know they would help me, but I just found it hard to rely on them.

The hardest part is that I have Invissible disabilities and because my children or others see me, they don't see anything different with me, that Im just the same as post-stroke and I try to explain that I not the same, they jut don't see it.

I procrastinate so much, way worse then before, I get overloaded wwith information so times and I just have to pull myself away from thing and i find just lying on my bed watching tv or playing solataire on my phone just blocks me out.

I have started doing voluntary work 1 day a week, just so I can feel useful, while i wait for me to go back to work, which I hopefully is soon only because of finacial reasons otherwise I would change jobs but I not sure If other companies wold accept me, so I need to prove myself in my current employer.

I do feel for you, and poease don't hesitste communication with me.

Thank you to all who added comments. They have all been helpful and just the fact that you took the time to putting the hand of friendship out to me reminds me of a saying I heard in another group many years age “the bond of you and your disability and me with mine is much greater than I could have ever imagined”. On a practical side I visited my GP this morning and put the application for a 1/2 price taxi, I followed up the Red Cross lead also my council helpline. Now I have to address the fear of having to ask people for help. On reflection it could go well back many years. My husband passed away years ago leaving me to bring up my children on my own. I was only 40 years old and the kids were quite reliant on me. My third son has a disability (paraplegic) and even going way back then I hated to have people offering help. I think it’s a very deep seated problem and I might need help to overcome it. Once again I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Love to you all.