The Forest

Sometimes on my journey this is how I feel. Like I'm lost in a dark forest, the trees pressing in close, and I can't see a way out. I'm frightened, small, alone and totally lost. I can't see a clear path in any direction, I don't even know how I got here. For much of the last few years, this is where I have been. I've fought against my disability in my quest to be "normal", to be accepted by people I thought were my friends. After a massive betrayal by a person I thought was a close friend, someone I had stuck my neck out for, someone I have invited into my personal life, I knew I had to get out. I realised how dark the forest had become. The fog that surrounded me made it impossible to chose a direction. I knew I just had to keep trying, daylight would return and somehow I would find my way.

And the sun did return, a single beam of light showing me that, even though I was in a dark forest, there was a way out. I just had to keep going for one more day. One. Day. One. Hour. One. Minute. At least I had the formings of a plan, a determination to get out. There have been moments, few and far between, where this is the forest I have found myself in. There is hope here. There is meaning and purpose waiting just out of reach. Keep going. There is no clear path, but there are suggestions of a path. Occassionally I stray onto it.

This is the forest where I want to spend my life walking. I don't want a straight road, or one that doesn't have its bumps, hills and valleys. I like this road because it has character, imagination and creativitiy. It works with the landscape, goes around big obstacles and around every bend is something new to explore and discover. It's exciting and enticing, it leads me on just by being itself. This is the life I am working towards. One where I don't have to be afraid. Where I can be me, without judgement, betrayal or fear. It's not going to be an easy road, but I never asked for that. But it's going to be a sunny one, positive, optimistic and oh, such an adventure!