EnableMe | enableme - stroke recovery and support

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Tonion December 03, 2018

11 Comments

Ho! Ho! Ho! and Merry Christmas! So here it is my most favourite time of the year and yet yesterday I was in tears and I’m sitting here still feeling flat and sad. Christmas has always been such a magical time, full of wonder and anticipation, and whilst those emotions still make an appearance, there is a sense of grieving for what once was.

Call me crazy but I was one of those people who loved nothing better than spending a day at Chadstone shopping for presents and making my way to different markets and independent retailers in search of that elusive individual present. But that has all changed and now a lot of my shopping is reduced to online ordering and being reliant on others for sourcing gifts or to pick things up and it sucks!

Requiring a chaperone for shopping, and a chauffeur for the driving, is one of the realities I need to accept but it’s bloody hard when you know that the other person is being dragged along on something they don’t enjoy. There’s also the sense of urgency I feel knowing that within an hour or so sensory overload will make its presence felt so I can’t wander aimlessly from shop to shop. Decisions need to be made whilst I’m capable of doing so.

Then there’s the decorating of the tree; a task that is now beyond me so I just unpack the boxes. Seeing all the decorations I have collected over the years and trying to decide where they should go is so overwhelming. Luckily, my daughters have inherited my Christmas spirit and are happy to take on the task (well the putting up part at least) but it is something I miss.

So whilst I sit here still feeling flat, I know, that just as in Christmases past, when I see the smiles on faces as presents begin appearing under the tree, and as I notice that those presents are slightly moved and surreptitiously shaken, it will all have been worth it. And that on Christmas Eve as stockings are placed out by my ‘children’ (they’re in their twenties but I still believe in Father Christmas so they have to as well) and come Christmas morning when we wish each other Merry Christmas that feeling of magic will have truly returned.

11 Responses

Nina Wilde

04/12/2018 00:13

Hi Toni,

All those familiar Christmas things, I getcha.

Wishing you peace and happiness. Are you going to post a picture of your tree ?

Sue xo

Toni

07/12/2018 10:32

Toni

07/12/2018 10:33

Toni

07/12/2018 10:35

Thanks Sue and wishing you a Christmas full of love and happiness xx

Nina Wilde

07/12/2018 20:42

So beautiful Toni!! Thanks for you good wishes, I need them :-)

jenny

14/12/2018 06:45

Toni for the first time in 6 years I feel “more normal” as with help from my social support lady i have done some Christmas shopping. I hope the magic of Christmas returns for you Toni. I miss a tree to decorate, maybe one day I will manage. My younger grandsons are into calling number of night sleeps before Santa, then I feel the magic. Your tree is magic.

Happy peaceful Christmas to all Enableme people and good health for 2019. Jenny

Toni

17/12/2018 09:15

Hi Jenny

The magic has returned...I'm learning to look for it in new places and experiences. The decorating was always a big part of our family traditions but just as my stroke has bought about changes so are family dynamics. My eldest daughter has been married for two years now and comes over to assist/boss her siblings around as they all put the tree up which is quite fun to listen to.

Have a lvely Christmas

Toni

Bea

16/12/2018 21:54

Hi Toni

What a beautiful room - so full of Christmas warmth & love.

Thank you for sharing your story. If you don't mind, I will read it out to my Mum. This is her first Christmas that she also needs a chaperone for shopping, and a chauffeur for the driving (as you put so well - much classier terms than shopping & driving assist!). I think she is also struggling with what she has lost & I hope she can focus on what she can do, as you have done. I think you are doing an amazing job & your story has inspired me today.

All the best for a joyous Christmas :)

Toni

17/12/2018 09:20

Hi Bea

Thank you and thank you fo rfeeling taht my experiences could help you Mum. That's one of the beauties of EnableMe ; different parts resonate with different people and I'm sure there is osmething on here for everyone.
Have a lovely Christmas and best wishes to your mum on her continuing recovery
Toni

Cynthia Power

19/12/2018 09:16

Hi Toni, what a great display for Christmas. Your tree looks amazing. Until my stroke in December last year, I was never really a “crismasy” person. But as I was bed bound in hospital I made a promise to myself if I was still around Christmas 2018 I was going to have the best time ever. My small grandkids put up the decos probably not very artistically and I have thrown myself into the Christmas spirit. I even walked over to the primary school to listen to my grandson singing his Christmas songs. So I extend to you and yours a lovely Christmas, thanks for sharing your story.

Toni

09/01/2019 09:36

Hi Cynthia,

I'm so sorry for such a delayed reply. I saw your comment earlier and then forgot to come back to it. I hope you had a lovely Christmas and that your grandchildren brought lots of smiles to your face. Do you have any goals for 2019 that you're hoping to achieve?

Toni

Loading reply form...

Loading blog...