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Sometimes I lose my way, fall into old habits and just lose the plot completely. The last few weeks have been like that. I have been finishing up a summer semester of uni, the heat/humidity has been terrible and life has taken it's toll on me.

I'm taking it as a win that I haven't had a meltdown over either of my assignments this semester, I'm learning to just go with the flow a lot more. Last week was spent catching up on all the chores I let go of while completing my assignment, and I planned a nice weekend catching up with my sister.

Then I made the mistake of saying yes to casual work without asking for details (note to self: check what casual they want before committing). I would be teaching Chinese exchange students, no resources, no support. So there went any spare time I had for the weekend. The school wanted them to do Aboriginal dot painting - disaster! I spent most of lunch cleaning up, and then stayed an hour after school finishing getting the rest cleaned up. By the time I got home I could hardly stand, I staggered into the house and collapsed on the lounge, exhausted.

The school called me the next day to see if I could do the same thing the following week - I say yes, on condition: no paint! At least there will be less preparation this time.

I spent yesterday catching up on laundry, in between resting and taking care of myself. Today I got up early, went for a walk and followed up with yoga and meditation. I feel somewhat normal, still tired but proud of myself for not giving up.

At the moment, finding balance seems to be the biggest issue. I feel like if I do what's right for me, financially we'll struggle. If I accept work, other things fall apart. When you haven't had work in nearly two months, the financial pressure starts to exert itself. I like being a casual, and the flexibility that brings, but on the other hand a routine would be nice too. Life seems to be in limbo at the moment. I don't feel like I can make decisions and plans. And with one week until the appointment with the fertility specialist, there are emotional strains as well. I'd just like an answer: one way or the other. Then I can move forward.

Someone said to me once that life doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I wish life didn't think I could handle so much. I just wish life would give me a break... time to go a listen to some of that happy music!

Hi Kat,

Life keeps on turning doesn't it. Keeping up with demands while finding out what fits, it's just hard work! Decisions, priorities - all dished out for us to navigate. I'm glad you felt comfortable to share.

Do you find when you are asked something, people speak so quickly and ask without awareness of the work we need to put into process and then respond. I used to find that all the time, I still know that I speak slower and more deliberately than a lot of people.

The interesting thing was that when I left my work place last year I know that a few of the services I used to network with , really missed my thorough communication style, because I would always do so much checking and follow up to ensure I had details correct and jobs were done professionally.. A skill I had gained through my observations of I how I have needed to be communicated to.

Best of luck with your up coming appointments and plans Kat.

Sue :-)