EnableMe | enableme - stroke recovery and support

Today is my 6th stroke-a-versary. Did I celebrate? Did I treat myself? Did I at least do something that I wanted to do for me? Well, no.

I've been very quiet on the blog front, on most social fronts actually. And I can't really explain why because I don't really know myself.

I didn't feel like celebrating today. I didn't feel like treating myself to something nice or even doing something I wanted to do. I've been trying to work out why this year is different. Is it that I'm not at work today so I have nothing to distract my thoughts? Is it the fact that I still feel nauseous and food has lost it's appeal (therefore making eating out a nightmare)? Is it lack of energy? Am I still processing the news I got last year about the multiple strokes? That the hospital didn't tell me the truth? Today I just feel sad. I don't normally feel this level of sorrow on days like today, I usually use them as an opportunity to celebrate the milestone and the distance I have come.

I think I'm feeling sad for the person I used to be and that my child will never know. I think pregnancy hormones are probably playing a huge part (and the fact that at nearly 26 weeks I'm still battling "all-day-sickness" and lack of appetite). I know my child will be loved and cared for, that I will be able to raise him or her. But I also know that there are things that just aren't the same. That I will rely on others to teach them. I know my child will be okay.

I'm trying to find the gratitude today, I am grateful for everything I have been given: support and love and understanding. This is what I'm trying to hold on to tonight, albeit by the finest spiderweb strand. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it - Anne Shirley

Well, with no mistakes in it yet... - Miss Stacey

(Anne of Green Gables)

Hello Kat!!

it's so good to see you on here again. :-)

Being allowed to feel how you feel and not be expected to be something you are not is important. Sending you hugs.

Sorry you are sick in your pregnancy, I had that too. All day sickness and a horrible taste in my mouth constantly, there was no relief and no amount of people telling me "Oh hasn't it passed yet, it should have passed.by now" made any difference.

Stay safe and keep breathing as each second passes.

Call on what helps you through, like Anne of Green Gables and hang onto that spider web strand!

Love Sue xo

Katrina, maybe you dont feel I should be saying : 'Happy Strokeversary' if you are not quite feeling ti this year. As Sue said, you just feel what you want to feel. No pressure. No expectation and I am doubly sure that your hormones are all over the place! Your child will have so much love and that's more important than any stupid stroke! Much love and take care. Shelagh xx

Hello Kat my post to you disappeared. Shall reply again. I hope you and little Button are enjoying some sunshine. Well done for 6th anniversary. Celebrate when you feel up to doing so. I watched my daughter suffer during two pregnancies, trying to find suitable foods.all I could do was to give her a big hug .xx one for you Kat. Jenny