My husband had a stroke in JAN17, I was heavily pregnant with my 2nd child. Everyday struggles with little kiddies and the pressure on marriage and unresolved anger with stroke. Feeling like marriage is fragile and not sure if I sacrifice my health and my family harmony for husbands recovery. If there is anyone else that’s gone through something similar , love to hear from u xx
Hi Jennifer,
I'm sorry to hear about the stress you are under and your husbands stroke. What you describe, the pressures that have slowly accumulated from such a difficult time for the whole family.
The impact is huge - there is no doubt about it.
And then there is the question of what will help? And this of course is different for every family too. Yes there is a lot of changes, a lot of emotion around all those changes.
For us, yes there was lots of confusing times. Something that helped me was not to air our personal issues with every Tom, Dick and Harry who was curious as to "How we were coping."
It took a long time to work this out.
Well meaning people who have your best interests at heart and are asking questions to sometimes satisfy their own curiosity.
Does this make sense?
For me it meant learning to deflect people alot, start talking about flowers or sunshine or what I was cooking for dinner when I did not feel safe to divulge our personal circumstances. And this didn't mean I didn't appreciate where they were coming from.
Have you called Strokeline?
1800 787 653
They may have a more comprehensive plan to talk through with you.
I used to think of three things which had give me some sort of appreciation that day. They can be really small things, they usually were for me.
Assistance with couples communication post stroke in whatever way this works for each couple would be helpful. Gaining each others trust.
I was informed by someone at the Stroke Foundation of a couple who wrote down there thoughts and shared them with each other daily.
That sounds amazing.
Finding support you trust is a good start and you are in the right place for that.
You've done well to even ask the question!
Hugs to you both and your children.
Sue
Hi Sue, thanks for kind words. It’s a terribly difficult time right now but thank u for your support. Feeling alone is something I struggle with a lot right now. My husband is doing very well physically although his emotions and personality have taken a beating. It’s starting to have a serious impact on my sanity and my young family. I have pursued some contacts for counselling and support groups so fingers x , there is still hope for us. Hugs Jenn
Hi Jennifer
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's stroke and it's impact on all of you. Thanks for posting this - it will resonate with a lot of people I think.
We always recommend Relationships Australia for counselling. They provide free counselling in locations right across Australia. You can go along on your own, or as a couple. We interviewed one of the counsellors there about relationships after stroke a while ago - it's a good read and gives you a good idea of what to expect from counselling. Visit the link below and click on the Summer 2014 edition:
https://strokefoundation.org.au/News-and-Events/Newsletters/StrokeConnections-newsletter
You can call us on StrokeLine during business hours to talk it through: 1800 787 653.
Wishing all the absolute best, Jude, StrokeLine
Hi Jennifer, I'm so sorry to hear how much you are struggling with life post stroke. I'm the stroke survivor in our relationship and I so felt for my husband that at one stage I said to him if you want to go I understand. Finding moments to share as a couple and not just as a survivor/carer pairing is so important but can also be so hard.
I can imagine taht you are so overwhelmed with looking after everyone else that you have got lost particularly with a newborn as well. It's great that you're reaching out for help. Remember taht each contact may not be 'right' for you so keep going until you find that person who you feel comfortable with. You've been so brave in admitting there's a problem; taht is always such a big first step. Have you spoken to your GP about how you're feeling as there may be elements of PND also involved.
Best wishes for you future, Toni
Hi Jennifer, I can fully understand your struggles as I will be coming up to 4yrs next May since my husband's stroke. I had no one to explain to me why he was like this, no assistance was offered and like you felt terribly isolated from the rest of the world. I gave up many times but always found the strength and courage to get up and keep going just as much for me as it was for him.
You sound like a young couple, may I ask if you have applied for the NDIS as yet? If not please do so and get the help in the house you need for both of you.
As for his anger, just remember he's grieving the loss of the life he once had just as you are but it will get better once he starts to accept what has happened. You are the one he's closes to and unfortunately you are the one he directs his emotions to sorry to say. If you need to chat one on one please feel free to inbox me. Stay strong and don't give up. Regards Carol xxx