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Emotional highs and lows

Settenon December 30, 2020

8 Comments

I wrote this whilst as an inpatient in rehab Year 1. Such a simple task that turned into an epic journey of misery, heartbreak, rehabilitation and emotional distress. I can safely say I went hungry that morning.
The humble boiled egg.....Ok, this little bad boy is Nature's joke on stroke patients.

Step1: break shell.
Step 2: attempt peeling nutritional, mouth watering, oval shaped object of goodness
Step 3: drop on floor.
Step 4: pick up said floor dwelling &^%$#$.
Step 5: spoon Bite-Sized portion,
Step 6: pick off floor.... again,
Step 7: take drink of coffee, whilst chewing said portion... multitasking at it's best
Step 8: sneeze coffee and egg all over said remaining egg, knocking on floor .........again,
Step 8: call house keeping and crawl back into bed to think of a plausible explanation why egg is on ceiling.
One thing I have learnt during this journey is that everything seems to be exaggerated. For example instead of dropping one peg, you drop a bucket load of pegs, over an area of 3 meters, as well as the underpants onto a wet dirt patch and the only ants nest in Sydney. Similar goes with emotions you are either really happy or really sad. The smallest thing, like peeling an egg, can manifest into a emotional rollercoaster. I guess what it boils down to, pardon the pun, is that you clearly remember what you used to be like and you try and replicate this in a body and mind that won't co-operate. To me, this is about the hardest part of the rehabilitation process, to accept my new state of mind and body, infuse it with the current high paced, ever-changing world we live in and play catchup. Too deep? I think I've gone off topic. Emotions.... right, I'm now learning how to try and put a lid on certain feelings and not overthink certain scenarios and more or less, try and go with the flow. Instead of the knee jerk reactions, I am having to relearn how to think before responding. Very hard when you're up against teenagers, an exhausted partner and Facebook warriors. I am conscious that every stroke is different and I may or may not be the only one thinking this and I do apologise for the rant. So many things to fix.

8 Responses

George

02/01/2021 08:50

I won`t eat prawns unless there shelled, the last time I through a wobbly was after dropping a full big jar of instant coffee on a tile floor and glass and coffee going everywhere. Now I would just smile internally, have a percolated coffee, turn the radio on and clean up, stay cool.

George

02/01/2021 09:42

I won`t eat prawns unless there shelled by somebody else, other than me, sounds better.

garrylawson

14/01/2021 04:53

your lucky i cant even peel an egg with one hand working or even bent over to pick it up , and i only use a fork to try to fit a small portion in my mouth , gee i'm jealous of that egg , has mine scramble any cut up ..yep and no room for the coffee , i choke with too much in my mouth ..

Diana

08/01/2021 01:51

Your blog reminded me of what Alex said in this video - "a profound nuisance".

I would love to hear your thoughts about what Alex said Setten.

Setten

09/01/2021 01:52

I pretty much agree with what Alex says, everything after a stroke turns into a major effort. I thought it was just me but every effort seems to have been magnified by 10x. For example, I was decorating a cake the other day and thought it was a good idea to use hundreds and thousands. Well, you try and pick up those little buggers off the floor when the packet splits😂. Yes, I could use a vacuum cleaner, however, that disappeared with one of the teenagers🤔. So the next best option was brush and shovel and as every stroke patient knows, vertigo is not your friend. So I guess the only way to think about it, is the extra unscheduled rehab session is always beneficial.

Nina Wilde

10/01/2021 01:34

Hi Selton,

I like your style of saying it how it is! No need to try to think up any other explanation of why there might be egg on the ceiling, or all over the place. You tried to do a task (and hospital/rehab is full of them) which is essential to your survival - eat what is in front of you.

In that moment - of complete overwhelm - what else to do with one's emotion!

It is the moments of complete overwhelm where there needs to be more support and acknowledgement of how all internal bodily systems are working SOOOO hard. I have been very honest and vulnerable here on EnableMe of my own experience to try and raise awareness of the enormous GAPS in what is available to a person's sense of self in stroke recovery.

All the best

Sue

Michael R

14/01/2021 05:14

Good topic! I guess, we learn as we go, every day I find out if there is anything I can't do. However, I'm trying to be patient and think of alternatives - if they are safe. If something is too tricky/dangerous - I let go of it. Interestingly, as part of my rehab, I cooked under the supervision of my therapist. Had to re-learn to a) choose a meal, b) write down the ingredients (shopping list), c) go shopping, d) prepare the meal (cognitive/organisational challenge - make sure I didn't burn down the house), and e) enjoy the meal!

Also, regarding shopping, I tend to go to Aldi (every Aldi is the same!). Recently, they refurbished our local Woolies and it was a nightmare! But, they have laminated lists of where things are hanging at every isle (cheat sheet). Alternatively, I don't mind asking for direction. Take care!

Trudishi

18/01/2021 08:16

Setten, I get it with your egg story 😂

When I was an inpatient in Rehab I spilled a full jug of water on my bed. As the nurse said, could’ve been worse - could’ve been sticky cordial. (And it was one way of getting fresh sheets on my bed - not that I planned it!)
One of my many frustrations when I got home was preparing my old favourite, avocado on cruskits. What a mess!

I’m happy to say that in a few weeks I can see progress and am able to manage these tasks much better. I recall not being able to put my shower cap on or tie a bow... It’s amazing how bit by bit things improve

. Best wishes to everyone. 🌼

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