Five Year Anniversary

Five years…that’s what it’s been. Five years since all the things I took for granted have been re-evaluated and I’ve come to learn how some things I thought were important actually don’t matter whilst others are missed so much. Five years of readjusting to a life I never imagined and, in some aspects, am still getting used to. Five years of being grateful for my husband, children and friends that have stayed as well as the new ones made along the way. Five years of wondering, “Am I going to have another one?” especially as at each Strokesafe presentation I say the words, “A TIA is not to be dismissed…it is warning that a stroke may occur.” I always give a little laugh and follow up with “After having three of them since my major stroke I wonder if I’m a bit like the proverbial cat with nine lives.” Humour sure helps alleviate many awkward moments.

Some people find it a bit macabre to celebrate the anniversary date of my stroke but for me it’s a bit like Americans who celebrate Thanksgiving. It’s not that I do anything special but September 25 is a day to reflect on how lucky ‘unlucky’ me is whilst also acknowledging that there are things that I miss.

So the things that I miss; Firstly, reading. I was such a voracious reader with numerous bookshelves double lined with books and piles found in various locations. Then there’s music. I had quite an eclectic taste loving opera, classical, musical theatre, jazz, country and some good old rock ‘n’ roll and, of course, I was the perfect accompaniment to whatever I had on. Sensory overload makes it so hard to listen to more than a couple of tracks and on top of that I now hear music differently to how I used to. And, lastly, driving. Not being able to drive is not only an inconvenience it is so isolating. I never thought that at the age of 50 I would be so reliant on others for so much.

One of my biggest gripes is how people like to try and compare the effects of my stroke with someone that they know. Disability is not a competition; each person deals with their deficits in their own way and whether those effects are visible or, as in my case, usually invisible doesn’t matter. Those effects each have to be considered when planning anything. Having your equilibrium tipped over and then trying to find a new normal that is acceptable to yourself is hard work so, yeah, there’s been tears. In fact, there’s been some thunderstorms accompanying those tears as I’ve worked my way through different emotions. But, some of those tears have also been accompanied by rainbows as I’ve celebrated achievements that mean something to me.

The gratitude I feel definitely outweighs the negatives. Not only am I here and functioning I’m surrounded by people I love and who love me. Added to that I’ve recently started taking my puppy for a walk all by myself (that was, and still is, a big moment!!), I now get to go to Art lessons with an amazing wildlife artist and I’ve been on some great holidays with my husband, Nick, where we have walked and walked and been immersed in nature. I also really enjoy presenting Strokesafe talks as they give me a chance to combine education and volunteering into one role while giving me a sense of purpose.

So five years on I’m still finding my way, but, everyone’s life is full of bumps; I just intend to navigate those bumps with love, laughter & happiness.