My Thoughts - One Week Post Stroke
At the one week post stroke mark I have a sudden urge to record my journey so far.
On a Thursday morning I was in the middle of teaching my Grade 5/6 class. Part way through the session I had a sudden sharp headache above my right eyebrow. It was painful, but not debilitating. I was able to continue teaching and asked the aide in my classroom to duck out and grab me some panadol. 15 minutes later I was still feeling some pain and I felt bit lightheaded or dizzy, like my vision was a litte 'off', a hallmark of mild migraines that I've had in the past. I gave my principal a call to get someone in to cover my clas so I could take some nurofen and sit quietly somewhere to give it time to pass (hopefully) before the next teaching session in an hours time.
Another teacher came in to cover the class and I had a quick chat with them about what we were doing, not in any massive rush to leave as I was feeling fairly ok. They expressed concern about my headache and I let them know it was fine, I'd dealt with persistent headaches before, and it should clear soon now that I'd had some painkillers and was taking some time to rest.
As I made my way to the staff room, struggling a little with feeling a bit lightheaded and unsteady on my feet, I walked into an open cupboard door then, a few steps later, a chair that had't been pushed in. It was then that I realised I was feeling unsteady because had no left peripheral vision at all.
I was debating having someone drive me home so I could 'sleep off' the rest of the headache (which was almost gone by this point) and give my eyes time to recover (still thinking the vision issues were a by product of the persistent headache) when I decide to check in with the school nurse. She advised me to go to the hospital to get it checked out (thank goodness) and I was driven there by another staff member (calling an ambulance seemed ridiculous when I felt totally fine). I walked myself up to the triage desk and let them know that I'd had a sudden and quite bad headache and now was having some vision problems.
I was quickly seen by a triage nurse and taken back to a a bed in record time. I met with a doctor and explained what had brought me in, had some general obs done (temperature, blood pressure, heart rate etc) and chatted with a lovely student doctor who asked me a lot of questions and took a lot of notes while we waited for a CT scan to be organised.
With the CT scan done I was wheeled back to my cubicle for a few minutes and then suddenly I was surrounded by doctors and nurses, being rushed to a resus room and getting hooked up to all sorts of monitoring equipment. I was told that I had a bleed on my brain, that it appeared to be 'quite nasty' and that they were sending my to have another CT with contrast, to get a better picture of what was going on, as well as an angiogram. There was a lovely stroke nurse who kept me informed about what was going on, who the different people where and what steps they would be taking next. She was the first one to explain to me that what had happened to me was a hemorrhagic stroke and that the location of the bleed is what was causing my vision issues.
I waited in the ED for my scans to be sent to another hospital with a neurology team, so they could determine if I would need surgery (which would mean being sent to a hospital in Melbourne. Neurological obs were being done every 10 minutes, then every 15, then every 30 as there was no change to my condition.
Many, many hours later I got word that the neurology team from the Melbourne hospital had decided that my bleed would resolve on its own, no surgery needed, and that I would be admitted to the hospital I was in for monitoring while they tried to establish a cause for the bleed.
Over the next few days I was told I was a mystery multiple times. I'm quite young (43), my blood pressure was pretty good, there were no major red flags that would explain the bleed in my history or lifestyle. I met with the OT, speech pathologist, dietician, stroke nurse manager and briefly with a neurologist who explained that my CT had ruled out the most common causes of this kind of bleed. He told me that I would have an MRI to help determine the cause and then meet with him once the results where in. He spoke about possibly being sent home and having the MRI later as an outpatient, which completely terrified me. How could I go home not knowing what had caused the bleed, not knowing if I was going to have another at any moment, not even knowing if the bleed was resolving as the team at the other hospital had said it would?
On day 4 I was discharged, straight after having my MRI. I was so scared going home. They had spoken to me about the signs to look out for (FAST) but I hadn't really had any typical stroke symptoms.The headache I'd had was bad, but no worse than ones I'd had before, I had no muscle weakness, no outwards signs. If this had happened at home I may never have gone to the hospital at all!
The first few days at home have been hard. I've dealt with ongoing headaches that never seem to leave, constant anxiety and muscle pain. I am not good at doing nothing, and even worse at relying on others. I get so frustrated about the things I can't do, annoyed that I can't really make any plans to move forward without having answers, not knowing what my next steps need to be or what to expect.
For now, I'm controlling what I can. I've seen my GP, who has advised me to focus on rest and relaxation while we wait for blood test results and my follow up appointment with the neurologist. I've seen the optometrist and book a visual field test to find out exactly where my vision is now and let me measure improvement. I've joined websites like this one, downloaded podcasts about stroke and am working on educating myself so I can be my own advocate.
The anxiety is still there but I just have to tell myself that I can only control what I can...getting enough rest, eating well, managing my pain and giving my body and brain every opportunity to repair itself as best it can.