Being in "ISO

For many people, "ISO" is coming to an end. Restrictions are easing, people are allowed out. Shops are again crowded with people, friends are meeting at cafes and some sense of normality is returning to many people's lives.

I ran out of icing sugar while trying to ice my son's birthday cake today. The shops are a 5 minute walk away. I couldn't leave my house. For the past 10 weeks I've either been at home, my parent's house or the library where I work 3 days a week. The idea of going anywhere else is frightening.

I'm back where I was 7 years ago after having several strokes. The world then was very frightening to me. The noise, the crowds, the sheer overwhelming amount of 'input'. I want to curl up under a weighted blanket with the lights dimmed.

I will eventually be okay to go out again. I just have to get used to the idea. Take small steps. One day at a time. I still isolate myself. I can't handle late nights, large groups. It's too overwhelming. Even a hug from my husband is too much sometimes. I want to be hugged. I want to be held. But sometimes I just can't stand the contact for more than a moment.

For many people in the community, "ISO" won't end. On some level I will always be in "ISO". Unable to participate fully in a society that expects everyone to act and be a certain way. I'm lucky, I have a job, I can drive, I can do things. It's been a hard won battle to get where I am today, and a daily battle to stay here.

So while some of you are exiting "ISO" and enjoying the easing of restrictions, spare a thought for the others for whom "ISO" is a way of life.