How did you adjust to your 'new normal?

Diana. Thankyou for posting such an interesting subject. How did we find and accept a 'new normal'?  With loads of Patience, Tolerance and Planning. October will be 4 years post stroke. A celebration time with friends. Daily planning is essential due to my slowness. By nature I am not a morning person so need oodles of time to get to an early appointment. My husband and I both have diaries -essential for me, a stroke deficit  has left me sometimes muddled with days and dates. A calander hangs in the kitchen as well. With the diaries we need check them daily . Laughter  has always been important to cope with our long recovery journey. The kitchen issues we had to sort out. We now share it, we agreed only one person in there at one time. All to avoid arguments.  Jenny

Hi Jenny,

Thank you for posting, I hope others do too.

The new normal is a conversation that happens often in our Facebook community, I hope that more of these conversations will help others to adjust. 

You might want to also read Shelagh's comments in her blog about friendships.

Diana 

I really like this question Di and the conversation it can bring.

Each day used to begin like the unknown was spread before me , I didn't know what to expect when going about basic tasks of shopping , Bill paying , getting dressed , staying focussed for a whole day - would I need a sleep a pick me up of dancing around the llounge room to loud music , would I. Ibecome undone by my sensitivity to people's comments , I really didn't know how I would fare each day in the early years post stroke.

The ability to laugh at myself was crucial , I laughed heaps , I cried heaps too but now 23 years down the track the memory of laughing at myself in situations that were bizarre still brings a smile to my face.

I was alone a lot during my recovery and left to my own devices of getting through the day while my husband returned to work and would come home late after his chefing job not knowing what sort of day I'd had. Would I be a blubbering mess or would I be waiting up having so much to tell him and stumble over my words with excitement and him not be able to understand my slurry excited speech.

Although planning was necessary so was spontaneity, if I had not been creative and buoyant about any small achievement this would have made me sad.

My achievements I treasured and still do.

Everyone's recovery is different and it can be very isolating , sharing so people can have hope is a beautiful thing.  I looked for hope anywhere I could find it .

Hi Sue,

Great to see you today at the Young Stroke Conference. As presented today, peer to peer support is vital, as is age appropriate services for young people.

Seeing everyone coming together after the conference really illustrated to me, how important peer to peer support is.

Diana 

My partner had a stroke 12 months ago.  He was 43 at the time.  It was bad.  He is disabled for life.  His got a new normal back in his old home in the country.  I've left my home and job to help him.  His lost the communication part of his brain and finds it hard to communicate by talking reading or writing.  I met him 25 years ago and he couldn't speak a word of English.  After 18 years apart  we finally found each other again and the poor man had the most horrible stroke.  I'm glad we had those years prior as we could always communicated without words or at least laugh about it.  We still do. 

He was and is a very intelligent man, way smarter than me and taking control of his life and caring for him full time was hard and most things were very confusing and I was lost.  He loved poker prior to the stroke so we started getting him to poker matches and his winning a lot of the time now.  Not playing for big bucks but his feels normal in a room of players and bets them as well!  Its very impressive to hear his stories and see the score board.  He cannot read a lot and cannot talk but his found his equal place.

We are getting there but it is hard.

Shelby I am sorry to hear your partner had experienced such a brutal stroke  at such a young age.He is fortunate to have such a supportive carer to help him on the long road to recovery Do you have supportive people around you to give you time out. I have said many times "Carers need a gold medal". I am nearly 4 years post stroke and still need a great deal of help at times. 

Recovery never stops.  Jenny

Thanks Jenny,

I hear what you are saying and a lot of people say that I need a break.  I have not left him alone yet over night.  He has had his son and father stay with him and I got a break then.  Just quietly it was hard to return after a couple of weeks.  Not for him as I love him, it was just more the location we now live and the amount of work to be done to the house, paperwork and drama.  It was nice being me again for a bit. 

I have tried talking to his couple of local friends....I'm very careful not to ask for to much help as I have noticed a lot of people don't know how to handle everything or really want to try and if you rely on them to much they can disappear, so I try and spreed the help around.  Things are getting better slowly.

Thanks Jenny I really appreciated the chat.