Confused, Scared & Guilty

Hi Kerrie

I'm sorry to hear about your Stroke and I am really glad to hear from you and that you have felt strong enough to share what is going on for you.

Do you have any body around you tonight or are you on your own?  A massive thing to come home from hospital after having a Stroke.

 In answer to your question did anyone else experience this - the tears, the bursting into tears out of nowhere?

For me yes, many times, in many situations and my tears, they were a release for me.  A release of grief of confusion of hope of everything emotion I could think of .  I made sure I carried packets of pocket tissues with me everywhere I went.

I was confused about lots - why had I survived when my life seemed such a burden on everyone around me.  I was exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster, from the confusion of where I belonged now.

Stroke Line are available to call tomorrow during business hours if you want to talk to someone - their number is 1800787653. 

Stay safe and be kind to yourself.and I would love to hear from you again. Stay warm tonight, heavy blankets, drink lots of water, a quiet dark space to retreat to -  yes you could very well be in shock, soft gentle music may help too.

Sleep well

Sue

Hi Kerrie,

I'm 12mths post stroke times x 2 resulting from a right carotid artery dissection I am lucky I only have mild symptoms & look fine on the outside, I still get scared, cry a lot & don't know why, get anxiety & apparently it is normal after a stroke so I absolutely know how you feel. Kerrie having support is so important my problem was I have always been so independent & it was hard to ask for help which frustrated my hubby but we get better each day be patient with yourself  things do improve over time.

Regards Janette

Hi Sue & Janette, 

Thank you for the replies, what an enormous relief it was to see them. Thankfully I have great support as I live with my parents. My poor exhausted stressed mother even offered to sleep on the floor next to me (I did not make her do this). But I am beginning to see many who don't even bother to send a text and that also did not help last night, definitely need the love but now I know who to bother with going forward. Everything was bothering me, my mind was racing, having weird threatening dreams so could not rest. My poor mum at 2am rambling to her and pacing around like I was on drugs. Posting here helped because everyone will understand. I have felt a lot calmer today, just trying to remain chill heading into the night. 
I don't know why I felt so panicky. I do question why am I ok after this and others are not. But I should just be happy and improve my life, get healthier and live it since others can't. I am glad to know the teariness/anxiety is normal, I will try not to be too hard on myself. Thank you both so much for the tips.
Take care & sending warm positive vibes your way.
Kerrie :) 

Hi Kerri,

So glad you feel a little better,& I also like you waited for a call from certain people & you wonder why you don't hear from them "RUOK" is so simple to ask someone but very few ask this, your mum sounds wonderful.I can relate with the 2am rambling & pacing I had an episode this morning & being home alone the anxiety set in the blood pressure went up but eventually went to sleep.  Your not alone with this these episodes with myself use to happen a lot in the earlier months but it's just every now & then now everyone is different though & not all stroke symptoms are the same.

Best Wishes & Take Care

Janette

Kerrie and Janette. Monday so I will try to post  again. Enableme are trying to sort out my problem with the site. I messaged both of you about 3 times over the weekend. How are you both feeling today. Kerrie I was relieved to read you have family support at home. I shall try posting now I may be lucky,   

              Jenny

Jenny thank you for checking in, I'm keeping busy today it does help with the anxiety I like to get outside in the sunshine some of my ongoing symptoms are nerve pain muscle pain down the left side the right carotid artery dissection has healed well but  that & the 2 strokes afterwards has messed with body temp so I keep moving to warm myself up sounds silly but it works & keeping busy takes my mind off the bad days.

Best Wishes 

Janette

Jannette rereading your post you nentioned  your independence. I too was a very independent woman. I no longer drive so that was a big loss. With time you and your husband will work out a new normal life.  I am now nearly 5years  post stroke and know I will always need help from my husbanb and feel at ease asking for help.     I wish you well with your recovery.  Jenny