My sister is still stuck overseas after a recent stroke

Fiona
Fionaon Thursday, April 23 2020
2 Comments

Hi

Firstly thank you Enableme for allowing me to join this group. I have found it very helpful and look forward to the news letters.

My sister who is 58 had a hemorrhagic Stroke (left frontoparietal) 5 weeks ago while living and working in Africa. She was due to retire soon  and was coming back to Australia. 

It has been a very stressful time and the obstacles that corona and the restrictions have added to it by not being able to be there. The difficulty with her being so far away and the time difference has made it even harder to find out everything we need to know.

We are fortunate that she now has her speech  back and can use her mobile phone in the last week or so to talk. She has no movement in her right side and has a dropped foot  and is still having lots of rehabilitation in a stroke unit at a hospital. We are still trying to get her back to Australia if and when there is an opportunity.

In the meantime it has been difficult to know how to talk to her or approach her because we are so far away and can’t see her. I’ve been reading and trying to learn a lot about her condition but when I talk to her I find it hard to know how to handle the conversation. I’m worried what to ask or not ask, what to say or not say. She is a strong, intelligent, independent woman and explains to us she just wants to concentrate on her rehabilitation right now.

I’m concerned about a lot of things such as discharge and her future but also the emotional stages she may go through. I hear that strokes affect everyone differently and the amount of time for recovery is different for everyone but if anyone has any advice about anything I’d really appreciate it. 

Thanks

Fiona

 

2 Responses
Toni avatar
Toni

Hi Fiona
It must be so hard for you being so far away from your sister especially when you knew she was so close to coming back. 
Are you able to video chat, whether it be via facetime, zoom, skype or whatever app you want to use. Be aware though, that she may not want to video chat. I personally found video chatting easier as I found phone conversations extremely tiring and I had trouble fully comprehending what was being said on the phone (this is something I can still have problems with)...being able to see people's mouths move made it so much easier for me. 
I think you really need to be guided by what your sister has said and how she wants to concentrate on her rehab. Ask her if she's willing to share what she's been recommended for rehab. Quite often games, from memory type games to word puzzles etc, are included. If they are maybe you could ask if she's interested in you finding some online games you can play together. I know this could be hard with the time difference but you may be able to make a game date. 
You also say that your sister is a strong, intelligent, independent woman . One of the issues after a stroke can be that your independence is taken away from you. By listening to what she's saying she wants to talk about you are respecting her and giving her some control in an environment where she may be feeling she has none. Five weeks is a short span in her stroek journey so she is still discovering what things have changed for her. She probably needs to able to make sense of this before voicing her thoughts (that's if she wants to voice them).
With my stroke I found just knowing that people were there for me was so important and this helped me in dealing with my emotions. I had a couple of friends who I could cry with, fall asleep on etc, the fact there were no expectations/judgments meant I could just be me. 
Ask your sister if there's anything she'd like you to follow up or find out about for her discharge. I think taht at times it can be harder to be the person seeing their loved one go through a stroke as you want to fix/take care of things. I imagine being so far away makes that need even stronger. Remember you are doing what you can and the most important thing is to be tehre for your sister in whatever form that takes.
Take care and look after yourself
Toni

Fiona avatar
Fiona

Hi Toni

Sorry but  I’m still getting used to this site and sent you a thank you message by email instead of through here.

thank you again for the information 


Regards

Fiona 

Loading reply form...