Feel like his Mother not his Wife anymore : (

Hi Rob's Girl,

We are so sorry to hear about your husband's stroke and the challenges in adjusting to the different roles that you are currently facing. I'm sure many other partners and stroke survivors on enableme will jump in and offer helpful insights from their personal experience. In the meantime you may like to listen to an interview with Julie Collins who became a full-time carer after her husband Ross had a stroke. You can watch it here.

Ongoing open communication with your husband is really important to let him know how you feel, even if these conversations are difficult. Adjusting to life after stroke for both the stroke survivor and partner/carer can take time. It's important that he realises this is a concern for you and a goal you would like to work on with him.

Are there things you can do that were similar to before his stroke that you both enjoyed as a couple? Did you enjoy date nights, the theatre, dinner out? Is there a way to prioritise some time in the week to do something just for the two of you that doesn't feel like you're his mother? Would taking more time out for yourself help? You may also like to ask yourself what else would make things better? What would help the most (is it more intimacy/recognition/conversation about non-caregiving topics)? Journaling on some of these questions may bring clarity on specific solutions for you and your husband.

It may also be helpful to talk to Relationships Australia or speak to a psychologist so you have a safe space to discuss how you're feeling and develop an action plan. Relationships Australia offer counselling and can be contacted on 1300 364 277. You can also go to the GP and request a Mental Health Care Plan to obtain Medicare subsidised psychology session. There is a carer section on here that might interest you and you can also access support from the Carer Gateway on 1800 422 737 to help navigate life after your husband's stroke.

We would also be very happy to give more tailored advice if you would like to call us on StrokeLine on 1800 787 653 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm).

Best wishes,

Simone (Occupational Therapist for StrokeLine)

Hi Rob's Girl

My husband had a stroke 8mths ago and I can relate to how you feel. Our relationship is defiantly not the same it has been quite challenging also, my role as a wife seems non existent as well. Every day is different I try to stay positive

Kind Regards

Deb

Hi Rob's girl, you are not alone as I too am in the same boat. This is the one area that's has the least ongoing assistance. But he must want to help himself to make the difference no matter what therapy/counselling he undertakes. I have been battling myself now for 2 years and no closer to a solution than when I started. The hardest part is loosing the title of 'His Wife" to "His Primary Carer" and unfortunately that's how you start thinking. I'm sure you have so much more you feel you can't make public but please remain strong and seek counselling for yourself at least.

Regards

Carol