EnableMe | enableme - stroke recovery and support

Hi all,

My dad had a stroke in June last year and although physically he is 90% improved, his psychological self is not the best.. moody, impatient, irrational, unfeeling etc. Mum and i have noticed over the last month, he is overspending irrationally on things that aren't needed. He is drawing down on his super and spending it on everything and anything (spent $5000 over the last few weeks on unnecessary stuff). We are concerned with these habits and he may be jeopardising his financial future. He is defensive and moody when someone challenges him and/or his way of thinking, we are unsure how to broach this subject with him. He is beginning to be sneaky and lie about or hide his purchases. He is showing obssessive compulsive signs with doing things around the house (dishes, laundry, downsizing) and throws things out in the bin unneccessarily, even things that don't belong to him or have meaning to others. Please some advice would be great..

Hi Rachael

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's stroke.

There could be many reasons behind what is happening for your dad. It would be great if you could get in touch with StrokeLine directly. Our health professionals can talk it through with you and provide advice that is right for you. Call 1800 787 653 9am to 5pm Eastern Standard Time or email StrokeLine strokeline@strokefoundation.org.au

You might find these fact sheets helpful as a starting point:

https://strokefoundation.org.au/en/About-Stroke/Help-after-stroke/Stroke-resources-and-fact-sheets/Depression-and-anxiety-after-stroke-fact-sheet

https://strokefoundation.org.au/en/About-Stroke/Help-after-stroke/Stroke-resources-and-fact-sheets/Emotional-and-personality-changes-after-stroke-fact-sheet

Some things to think about: is there a family member or a friend (who is not his wife or daughter!) who could ask your dad how he is going and if anything is worrying him? You could also speak to his GP about what is happening and ask for their advice. Sometimes making an appointment with the GP on your own is a good way to talk it through and get advice.

This is a sensitive issue, but you are right to think about what you need to do. As you say you are worried about the consequences for your dad'd financial future - and for your mum's too.

There are laws in each state about substitute decision making where health issues mean people aren't able to make good decisions for themselves. This is obviously a last resort but you might like to look at this information:

http://www.opa.sa.gov.au/

I hope this is helpful Rachael, please do get in touch with StrokeLine directly if we can help further.

With kind regards, Jude

(Social work, StrokeLine)

Hi Rachael,

It's great you have reached out for some help following what sounds like an area which you are wanting some support in for you family and your Dad. A stroke can bring many confusing times with it.

As Jude has made some suggestions on where you may find some information, I will share my own personal experience about how I saw spending.

I was very very depressed going about my daily life trying to smile my way through and not understanding why I was so down after making a good physical recovery. Shopping - no matter how small or even if it was the groceries - shoppong gave me the opportunity to give and receive a smile from someone, have some social interaction and be around people- I was very very lonely. So for me it wasn't the purchases I made as much as the ability to mix with people. Even if I knew I stood out from the crowd with my new physical and sounding self - I craved to be around people.

We had a budget so I worked within that, things were definitely tight for us

Does your Dad have a Stroke Support Group he is able to attend? .I continue to know within myself that I need a good balance of social me time and alone time. And some good support from medical people who I can trust deeply. I never stop learning about myself.

Best wishes

Sue

Rachael I have read your post several times. A worrying time for you and your mother. I wonder if your Dad's spending has anything to do with his loss of independence due to the stroke.we survivors continually fight this loss. Any small task that we can achieve helps. Is it possible your Dad feels more control when he is spending. A very great concern for you and your Mum. I would encourage you to connect Strokeline direct for help. Jenny

Hi Rachael I suffered a stroke 19 months ago and the loss of independence is something I find very difficult. I live in a rural area on a large farm there are no public services available. I would love to be able to go shopping without my carer however that isn't an option at the moment. I struggle with the fact that I can't do the "normal" things myself. However a few months ago I discovered internet shopping. I have everything at my fingertips and I can shop without asking anyone for help. Caution is required!! I know that I am spending money (at the moment it is on things that the family needs) but the satisfaction of receiving that parcel in the mail is more than enormous its indescribable. Crazy I know but its the little things that help. I encourage you to contact Strokeline regarding your Dad as I have a feeling his spending isn't going to stop. Regards, Sam

Irrational spending

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