Have you lost friends since your stroke?

I am 6 months new to this. Thanks

Paul

The redefinition of friendships was not something that l was prepared for. Many withdrew from my life and l in turn withdrew from theirs. I have learnt / am learning to be more self-contained, not placing as much emphasis on my social relationships to gain a sense of self. There is of course a sense of grief that is associated with these redefinitions, but as with all grief you learn to accommodate it and just move forward, getting on with things.

Rachael

My son was 9 when he had a stroke which was the result of a motorbike accident. He spent 5 months in hospital which was 3 hours away from home, away from family, away from friends.

He returned to school and looked different, talked different and walked different. Understandably his friends as only little kids themselves, didn’t know what to do or say so they mostly all withdrew from him besides 1 mate. It was heartbreaking for a kid to have to deal with so many physical and cognitive struggles to also then deal with emotional struggles from loss of friends too. No more sleepovers, no more parties, no more playing at a mates house.

All this was on top of his dad leaving us the day after his discharge from hospital too so along with loss of school friends, there was further withdrawal of both family members and family friends for all of us.

As his mum it breaks my heart as he has always been and is still the same intelligent, happy and really funny young man (now 19).

I’d like to say it’s everyone else’s loss because they’re the ones missing out on a great mate/friendship but we really know it’s still him that is the one

losing out and it honestly sucks. Just because he can’t physically do all the same things - doesn’t mean he wouldn’t love to be included and go and watch or just hang out etc.

He’s a smart kid and knows all too well that people have chosen to step out of his life because he’s “different”. 

Pip Hicks

Gee I can relate to so many of these comments it’s very sad isn’t it that you lose , what you thought was your bestest of friends, and community group , changes .I was in the Sailing community and because I couldn’t do it any more I had nothing to talk about in regard to that, so that was the end of that group. Sailability was there but I was never the same and I didn’t get the buzz like I did on the for of a 47.4 boat. I was also in a group that socialised a lot and I couldn’t afford to go out all the time and so therefore I was suddenly out of that crowd and isolated from that one. I now, am living a very busy life socially but it’s a cheaper option which I can afford. And my friends mean a lot more to me , they are a lot more understanding of my abilities and they don’t mock me. One of my old closest of what I thought was friends said you’d be right once you found your people of your kind , well how insensitive was that comment and that lost me totally our friendship. Yes we are a different person after our experience and we may not look or be exactly the same as we were before , but we still have feelings and friendships are important. Look after the ones that look after you and care for you.

Meegan

I have seen 2 friends since my stroke. Although my priorities have changed now and I don’t want to see anyone as I’ve realised that they only really wanted to be around me because I would help all the time, now I’m more focused on my family and doing things with them they don’t seem to like me as much.

At first I thought the same they didn’t know what to say but now I know different.

Naomi

It is a sense of grief. Losing what was. I think it shocks a lot of people and it hurts them to see their friends going through such an ordeal. Instead of stepping up, they step back I have witnessed it with my Dad sadly.

However, his social carer is now his best mate, and literally everyone he sees in the community regularly have become his friend win win.

Aphasia makes life challenging, but a smile speaks all languages and I’m grateful for his caring community, even the young kids love him and call out “hi” when they see him warms the heart.

Lisa

Yes I have lost friendships.

For me, my fatigue effects ‘Everything’ I do. It’s such a confusing subject. I wish it was possible for me to accept every invite out with friends. That’s where my mind then battles my body. Physically I can’t do it.

This results in frustration and anger.

The majority of friends can’t comprehend the battle. It’s almost impossible to understand something ‘Invisible’ If it was a friend in my position, I can honestly say there is a big chance I would do the same. Argh it still doesn’t stop me feeling hurt. This journey is lonely.

Eddie

I’m 11 years post brainstem stroke and have lost contact with many of my friends colleagues, in the early days of my recovery I was in a local store when I one saw of my friends and I know she saw me because eye contact was made, however, she turned and went down the nearest isle.

I’m a power chair user so I can sort of understand what she did,l put it down to fear of not knowing what to say, so I posted on Facebook asking people who knew me not to feel afraid, embarrassed etc I am the same person as I used to be only in a chair.

Today I have lots of friends mostly stroke survivors that I met them at our support club.

There are plenty of people out there just like me waiting for your friendship.

Linda

Your priorities change and what you shared with friends before having a stroke can be too much with hidden struggles like fatigue etc. Most friends enjoy drinking which is no longer an interest too.

It was very surprising how some friendships changed, after many years of what i thought was friendship.

The real friends, although very few in number are still around and there are many new friendships post stroke.

I tried for many many months reaching out to people but it was always one way, so I slowly stopped reaching out the the pre stroke friends who were not responding.

It's tough Clive, your life was bloody turned upside down.

But the thing that I have noticed about you though is how much you have put back into the stroke world (I couldn't think of a better word - sorry), even in the early days. Which is pretty amazing.

Diana