Is too much acceptance a bad thing?

Adrian
Adrianon Thursday, March 12 2015
20 Comments

Hi all,

I'm a curios bloke, a bit of a bower bird collecting others thoughts. Clinician or stroke community, it doesn't matter as acceptance is a universal concept.

After long internal dialogues I understand that to help me in my happiness, happiness is really important to me, that I have to accept everything about my situation post-stroke.

I can't pick and choose what I will and won't accept about the effects of my stroke, I will accept vision loss I won't accept loss of hand function for example, I have to accept the lot otherwise I am putting barriers in the way to happiness.

I'm a pretty accepting bloke and understand the few things I won't accept in my life are the things I need to work on, until such time as I will accept them.

In asking the question I think I know the answer but....

Is acceptance of everything that has happened, whilst psychologically beneficial, taken away some mongrel and fight in me? Give up the acceptance and get angry occasionally?

Thanks, Adrian.

 

20 Responses
Heathber avatar
Heathber
Hi Adrian,The acceptance issue comes up relatively often on Stroke Connect too. People seem to think that acceptance means you stop fighting for change. I don't think this. I believe I can work on improving things while accepting that what is is. Accepting the things I can't change, or at least can't change in the short term is necessary for moving forward and getting on with life. And the reality is it's life that makes me happy not my condition making me unhappy. Although my condition and physical restrictions are definitely frustrating and annoying. If I want to be happy I have to get out and live life and part of doing that is accepting that this has happened and there are some restrictionsI was filling in a survey for the Nutritionist the other day and one of the questions was "Are you unhappy with your current weight". It got me thinking. Happiness is not an either/or thing. I can be happy at my current weight while still working to reduce it, because I know my current eating patterns ( and slowly creeping up weight) are not good for me. Being overweight does not make me unhappy even if it is "bad" and frustrating but accepting this is true does not make me more happy either.Hope this ramble helps somewhat.-Heather
Debra avatar
Debra
Acceptance was very hard for me at first. I had my first stroke July 2013. I was aged 59 then. Fell into depression a few months later. I was diagnosed with an Adjustment disorder. Thanks to a lovely physcologist I have been seeing I have finally accepted that this is my life now. I am very lucky to have a very supportive husband. I believe I am happy and do count myself lucky as amongst our local stroke group my disabilities are minor. Sometimes I don't think like that especially when I'm having a bad day. I was left with right arm and leg weakness and need a walking stick. Also my thinking process is very different. As in, it takes me longer to process information and I continually check things. I felt I was getting stronger then late December 2014 I had another slight stroke. It did set be back but I'm fighting on. Trying to live life the best I can.
Michael avatar
Michael
bit late to reply, - I 'accepted' what had happened, I didn't believe 'this is it' tho, 'bit defeatist' to me, I accept it will probably take ages to recover, I accept I'll probably never walk freely, (stem was damaged/cut), however all the time I notice small things coming in. frustrating is my worst enemy, what was 5mins is now 30mins!
Heathber avatar
Heathber
Hi Michael,Its never "This is it" Accepting that things are different, does not mean you aren't going to see and work on improvements. But the time thing is real and has to be acknowledged. I hate constantly being late because even 4.5 years after I still miscalculate how long it will take me to do something.-Heather
Michael avatar
Michael

'to do something' :) I set up sooo many projects, now if I can get 1 or 2 a day done I'm happy with that. Trying to build a simple veranda railing the other day, I ended calling it a day at 5pm, laughing. I had accomplished zero work, a few screw holes, not much else. theres always tomorrow. 

Annie avatar
Annie

In February 2014 I had a minor stroke due to a brain tumor one specialist says (removed and not cancerous - woohoo), the other specialist says I may have Cadasil - any way lost the use of my right arm only.  I got feeling back a couple of days later, went to some rehab sessions, practise, practise, practise.  I probably got about 85% usage back so far, mainly hand that lets me down so I nicknamed the hand "Raggedy Ann" . Boy could she tell you some funny stories...

I know what has happened but I don't accept it.  When something goes wrong (drop something etc) I just blame it on a Raggedy Ann moment, laugh and tell her to get her shit together and get on with it.  Sure I get angry, frustrated but I got angry and frustrated before the stroke as well (maybe a little quicker now)

I accept that it is taking longer than I thought it would but you get that.  I don't know if I will ever get to 100%, frankly it doesn't bother me if I don't but I am sure gonna keep trying.  

I read a book called ' The Brain that changes itself ' not long after meeting Raggedy Ann - one chapter in particular was about Strokes - Good read. Tried his techniques - only on the weekends though.  I run a business from home during the week so I did not want to be known as the crazy oven mitt lady - helped quite a bit and we had some really good laughs, at my expense of course.

Any way I have blah-blahed enough. 

Hugs to you all and keep on keeping on !!

 

 

 

 

 

Deigh avatar
Deigh

My stroke in December 2014 completely stuffed up my life. There are lots of minor things it did to me but the major ones were firstly my right leg, which no longer woud be able to support me standing in a river doing fly fishing. Then the loss of voice just when I'd started getting involved in public speaking. Then worst of all, the loss of any control over my right hand when my major hobbies are playing guitar and keyboards.

Too bad about the fishing, I didn't like eating trout particularily so I waved that away.

I work continually on my voice, talking to anyone who will listen. I read daily aloud to my wife.

The hand was a different story and I started continual exercising of it. I would be working on it for about six hours a day. Within a month I could touch my fingertips with my thumb. After two months I could button up my shirt (about thirty minutes). About this time  I had a tentative poke at the keyboard.

I could not depress a single note.

I could not hold a plectrum for longer than five seconds.

I built about 20 different types of plectrum to try and improve my grasp. The final one was applying double sided sellotape to both sides. This enabled me to hold and control the plectrum but allowed me to put it down when finished. Now in my seventh month I am still using this system.

I play both instruments daily, not for long, I have a short tolerance span. I also have had to virtually relearn how to read music. I am not ready to face an audience yet but occasionally I play something and think to myself...."Hey, that wasn't Bad!"

I am 85 years young.

Deigh

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