Do you feel abandoned during your tough times?

Really good question Avaniterg! Many people find this really tough.

I will be interested in reading the answers.

Yeah, it's true Diana this is really tough. I am also waiting for other’s input regarding the matter. I believe I can get ideas from others sharing their experiences that is why I started this thread. Anyway, thank you for the information regarding your support contacts, and pretty sure not only me but others too can find it helpful.

Avaniterg, this resonates with me. It really made me aware of the people in my life that really did care and the ones in my life for their own benefits. I have found it really hard to make friends and learn to trust again in people's real intentions.

The social isolation has been awful and really hasn't helped my mental health. 

While Rome burns, the poor old National Stroke Foundation (NSF) chugs along as if nothing has changed. Pushing out the same old self-congratulatory promotional material disguised as help. I’m not saying that NSF don’t have their place nor am I saying they don’t help people though I suspect their help is much much shallower than what we are led to believe. From an outsider looking in, the NSF business model looks a bit jumbled. What are they? Part Charity? Part Service Provider, Part think tank?

Despite their hard work, the NSF is missing in action when it comes to the smaller, some might argue, more fundamental issues confronting stroke survivors such as the crippling cost of rehabilitation and the difficulty of integrating back into society more generally. On a day-to-day level, they are impotent and absent.

Hi Avaniterg,

Here are some comments from the Facebook community too.

Meegan Allen
All my friends were there for me remotely. First time I seen anyone was when I had gone back to work and was “normal” again. Unfortunately returning to work has been a blessing and a curse.

Clive Kempson
I agree peoples true colours come out in times of need and support.

Julie Williams
I withdrew completely because I was having a really hard time in my own head and couldn't cope with others. My family and friends never gave up, I am so grateful. I think I would have come out of the deep depression and severe anxiety sooner if i had been able to talk with other survivors and supporters face to face.

Sarah Miles
It was definitely a very difficult lesson for me. I learnt people's true colours both good and bad. It was already an Emotional roller coaster ride having my stroke during Covid, lock downs and home schooling 3 children and trying to look after our 6 month old. I barely had time to look after myself and recover in more ways than one.
It's already a challenging enough time dealing with your own stroke but trying to come to terms with certain friends or family members turning their backs on you and using multiple excuses to justify their lack of love and support is even harder and some what devastating.
I've had to learn to accept that "I am not the problem nor have I ever been" it is just a reflection of their own struggles and insecurities and I cannot take that on. We cannot control how they think, feel or behave and that's OK!
Remember those who ARE there for you because they are the ones who matter the most.
Stay strong
Stay positive
Love with all your heart and minimise toxic negative people and behaviour, no matter how difficult it may be
💙💙💙💙

Bob CeeGee
I lost friends through my illness, but I strengthened others. Some people don’t know how to react or behave, some people find it brings out difficult memories or anxiety. I’m always happy to get in touch with old friends but if they don’t reciprocate then thats ok too. We’re all on a journey. Sometimes we just have different companions along the way.

Karen
This is complex and its as much internal as external.
External
Everyone has their own busy lives and very few of us have the capacity to show those making long term recovery from serious illness the amount of sustained compassion and practical assistance they might want or need from us
Many people may be fearful or not understand stroke and so don't know what to say or what to do, so they avoid the situation. It really is very rarely personal.
Internal
Surviving then recovering from a stroke is a very confronting and isolating experience and in our grieving we may be inadvertently pushing people away
We may expect people to understand our struggles, but really how can people possibly understand what they themselves haven't experienced?
How do you deal with it?
Read up about the stages of grief and understand where you are at within yourself
Talking to a Counsellor or psychologist can also be helpful
Whatever route you follow and however long it takes, the goal is to find peace within yourself
Be kind and forgiving of yourself and of others
Stroke groups can be really helpful in finding validation from others who have had a similar experience - either face to face or the many, many online stroke groups
Take up or restart a meditative hobby - cooking, gardening, wood working, crafting, painting, pottery - whatever helps you find your happy place. Do these things alone, join a group and or connect with others online.
In doing these things I've made as many new friends as those who I'm not as close to as I once was. Its very natural that we have different people in our lives through different ages and stages. This is just one of those stages. Actually it's a couple of those stages!
As someone who has fought this fight within myself my take away learning is that its 9 parts ourselves and 1 part other people. The people around us really aren't malicious no matter how much it feels personal and hurts.
I found this article quite helpful. The other chapters in this resource are also very good. http://www.tbiguide.com/emotionalstages.html

Hello Diana, thank you for sharing this. It is really great to hear other people’s experiences and views. Karen once mentioned, “Talking to a Counsellor or psychologist can also be helpful”. Personally, it is interesting to know the experience of having a counselor.