Moving forward?

Hi 'thatgirl', 

I am sorry to hear about your mum's stroke. Your mum is correct: she feels stuck and this feeling will continue depending her physical and mental situation. For you and your mums' lives have changed and it will take a bit of time to understand that this is a long road. There is no fast line, but you will learn how to adapt in this new place, little by little, things will get better. 

I strongly recommend the book:

Read the forums and blogs here on EnableMe and other stroke sides, for example, FaceBook. But you are not alone in this terrible time. 

Best,

Marcus

Hi 'thatgirl',

I too am sorry to hear of your mum's stroke and good on you for posting and reaching out to search for anything that may help.

Not knowing your mum - but some things I found useful for me amongst the confusion.

I listened to music I liked - also classical music when my emotions where all over the place, which I can say was often.

I looked through photos, even if it made me sad - it also made me happy.

I exercised, walked once able.

I read - however I would have loved it if someone read to me and engaged me in story telling.

I found out as much as I could at the time about stroke recovery- for me this was through reading.

I knew I wasn't alone - however connecting with others was not as available as it is now with technology, so yes use technology to your advantage. Facebook sites of Stroke Foundation, Craft After Stroke, Return to Work After Stroke. Genyus Trauma Support Network. These links all help connect with other survivors.  For yourself as a caring family member - maybe check out what support is out there for carers through this website or by calling Strokeline on 1800 787 653. Look through EnableMe and the Stroke Foundation Website - Stride4stroke is coming up in November which is you can have a look at the Website.

If your mum is tired - its okay to sleep extra.

Hugs - hugs are good.

Take Care

Sue

Hi,

I am not sure if you can relate to this blog written by Lyn after her daughter has a stroke. It is not quite the same, however I thought some things may ring true.

Diana 

Hi Thatgirl

Thanks so much for posting this question. I am so sorry to hear about your mum's stroke. It's been good to read everyone's replies so far and I'll be curious to know what other advice people have.

What you’re experiencing is very normal, and how you describe the challenges your mum, you and your family face are spot on. You are making a million small decisions everyday about balancing being caring, keeping your mum safe and supporting her independence. It is hard, and there are some things you will err on the side of caution about, and other things where you can take a risk, give something a try. If it doesn't work with your mum taking more control right away, maybe it will in the near future. All the wins, no matter how small, will help her recovery. Check out EnableMe’s goal setting tool here: https://enableme.org.au/Goals

The situation for you and your mum has changed profoundly. Your mum is frustrated, and she is likely grieving. Don’t be afraid to talk to your mum about how you yourself are feeling, as well as asking about and acknowledging her feelings.

Your mum may also benefit from being encouraged to talk to someone outside of the situation a little. It might be a trusted family member or friend, a health professional, or another stroke survivor. A stroke support group might help: check out https://strokefoundation.org.au/About-Stroke/Help-after-stroke/Local-stroke-support-groups-and-choirs

Have a think too about calling Carer’s Australia – there is as you say a whirlwind of emotion, and a lot of new things to think through. Carer’s Australia’s telephone counselling services are excellent.

We’re also available on StrokeLine for you and your mum – our health professionals are here during business hours, so please do give us a call if you’d like to talk it through: 1800 787 653.

You won't always get it right, and you don’t have to. Whatever you do, resist the temptation to feel like you need to do it perfectly! The main thing is that you are all navigating this new situation together. I can feel the love and care you have for your mum and that is really the most important thing.

With kind regards and best wishes, Jude from StrokeLine

Hi Thatgirl, I feel for both of you. I had my stroke at 48, was paralysed on right side, couldn't walk or talk. It took 23hrs to get help due to living alone & my (now)disability. 

 To let you know how mum might be feeling I'd say that she is angry, embarrassed & frustrated. She could of been told that there's a 2yr time span to make improvements & she might get depressed at the 2yr point. Be ready if this is the case.

   Right now she must be encouraged to do any physio or exercises she has been given. I don't know the type of stroke she has had so I'm only speaking as a survivor. Let her try things & make sure she realises that the more she tries, the better. Don't be over protective or jump in too quickly if she can't say words, her brains working "differently" now. Let her try to walk a bit farther even if she tires, it happens to all of us. She may be more prone to crying, either because of sadness or happiness. Don't worry, it may be her new normal or it'll get less as time goes.

   I think I should end now but will let you know that after my physio etc. I was back living alone, looking after 3 dogs, got my driving license back & only now have a carer once every two weeks. (Still hate asking for help though) but do appreciate it when strangers ask if I need a hand. Hope my ramblings made sense & helped? Julie 

That sounds so hard!!! I really know what you're going through... My mother went through the same thing, I'm thinking about trying a stroke rehabilitation device, have no idea if it works.