Stroke and Death in the Family

Hello Kevin, 

Thank you for reaching out on EnableMe. We are sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are dealing with.  That sounds stressful and confusing. We are sorry for your loss.  It can be difficult to manage our own grief, and telling someone else who might have difficulty understanding can be such a difficult thing to do. 

As you no doubt realise, there is no straight forward answer to this difficult question.

When deliberating whether or not to tell the mother of the passing of her child, these are some things you might want to take into account:  

You should consider the rights of the mother to be informed about the passing of their child or someone close to them. It is always important to be open and honest, but also equally important to be aware of the stress and anxiety this may cause. If you do choose to tell the mother, it is important to make sure you tell them face to face. It can be helpful to make sure there are no distractions so turn off the TV or anything else that might make it more difficult for the person to understand what you are telling them.  Make sure you take the time to explain the situation and stay there to support them.   Tell them in simple and straightforward language and keep it simple so as to not confuse them.    It is also important to make sure they are not left alone after you have told them in case they become confused and anxious.  Depending on the mother’s cognitive changes, they may not understand what has been told to them immediately but may be more aware a little later and face the emotions and sadness then, so it is important to have someone be there with them.

It is also important to consider the mother’s level of cognitive impairment.  For instance, does the mother know she has a child? Is she asking after the child?  Will they understand what is being told to them. Do they have the capacity to take on board what you are telling them. Would she be able to process and understand this information? How does she usually react when you talk about something she doesn’t understand?   Is the mother’s memory affected? If she is told about the passing of her child, will she remember? Or will she have to relive the distress each time she is told? Depending on these considerations, it would also be helpful to speak with her local Dr or specialist so if she becomes very upset they can help her better manage these feelings.  If she is receiving support in the home or from a current treating team, make sure they know the knows and that the mother has been told so that they can also be there to support her.

We’re sorry we cannot provide specific support. We encourage you to seek out local support with people who know the mother’s capacities and individual circumstances.   If you are in Australia, you are welcome to reach out to us here at StrokeLine on Ph 1800 787 653, or email us on strokeline@strokefoundation.org.au. If you are overseas, let us know and we can give you your closest local Stroke Association contact details.

Wishing you well 

Ariane and Siobhan (StrokeLine)