As a partner of a stroke survivor, any tips on how to ride out the anger from my partner?

Hi 

We are so sorry to hear about your partner having a stroke and the challenges you’re experiencing as a result. Mood changes, including difficulty controlling emotions, frustration and anger aren’t uncommon after stroke. To best answer your question some additional information would be useful. Speaking over the phone may be best so we can provide you with the most appropriate support and advice.

Is your husband still seeing a rehabilitation team such as an occupational therapist or physio?

Does he have a good relationship with his GP, is this an avenue you could explore together in terms of seeking help?

Are you seeking counselling or seeing a psychologist for support yourself?

Is it possible he is feeling very down about himself and his situation and he is taking it out on you?

Would he be open to attending a stroke support group?

Would he be open to giving us a call?

Seeking your own support to work through this would be extremely useful, particularly given he is currently reluctant to seek help. You could request a Mental Health Care Plan via the GP to receive subsidised psychology sessions or access the free counselling at Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.

Here are some additional resources:

https://enableme.org.au/resources/emotions

Emotional and Personality Changes after Stroke fact sheet

Synapse also have some excellent resources on personality and behaviour changes after stroke.

We would be very happy to make some other practical suggestions and provide you with additional support if you call StrokeLine on 1800 787 653 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm.

Best wishes,

Simone (Occupational Therapist for StrokeLine)

HI,

I read your story and so understand what you are saying, as I have been through similar with my husband.

I let him vent for awhile and then realised how destructive this was for him and us. I chose a quiet time, took a deep breath and told him what he was doing, he knew what he was doing as he admitted, but did not know how to stop. We were both in tears.

The worst episode was when we were driving, a small thing escalated into a lot of abuse,

threats, name calling, disgusting language and finally trying to open the door to get out of a moving car. It was very scary, I was frozen to the wheel and just concentrating on keeping us safe. I pulled over, and very calmly stated that if that was how he wished to act I would not hesitate to place him in respite care as this was not gong to happen again. Do not ask me where the calmness or strength came from. This worked for awhile, however the anger still came about, until I finally broke and just sat and cried, he was puzzled about my feelings, and did not realize how he was affecting me.

I know now that I had to be truthful about my feelings, not just the carer pouring energy and positiveness and well being into every day. It is hard as every stroke journey is different.

Do get your husband to talk with someone other than yourself, someone he is comfortable with, as you are too close emotionally to be able to give valuable help. You can support and care, and still love him, however it is difficult to solve every problem.

You will both get through this, it takes courage, strength and reaching out and using what services are available.

This is probably the hardest journey either of you will undertake and you will wonder where the end is, but it will get easier as things are accepted and adapted more into your newer way of life.

Good luck and take care. Kaz