Hi Phil,
Thank you for reaching out to us.
Changes in personality are common after stroke. They are also among the hardest to deal with. The brain is a very complex organ that controls all of our emotions, so following a stroke where there has been damage to the pathways in the brain, our ability to control and regulate emotions can be affected. Not all changes are permanent and some may disappear over time but it is difficult to say if the changes your husband is experiencing will resolve. In some cases these can improve with a combination of talking therapy and/or medication. Being patient, seeking support and the involvement of a psychologist or neuropsychologist can also assist with these types of changes.
A good place to start would be to talk with your husband and his local Doctor. The Doctor can assist with medication if required, or a referral to a psychologist/ neuropsychologist to develop some strategies to manage these changes, and the impact they are having for you both. The Stroke foundation has also developed the Emotional and personality changes after stroke fact sheet which may be helpful for you both.
The Synapse website has some good information fact sheets, including one on self-centredness following a brain injury. This can be found at http://synapse.org.au/information-services/self-centredness-fact-sheet.aspx
I hope that this information is helpful, and if you have any further questions please contact StrokeLine on 1800 787 653
Best wishes
Siobhan (StrokeLine)
Hi Phil,
as a survivor I can see both sides of this issue. I was 30 when I had my stroke and I know I am a different person. I spent nearly four years trying to be who I was before I had the stroke, and this was part of the problem for me. Because stroke is somewhat "invisible" to the rest of the world, people just expected me to be who I was before, to do everything the same way, and my goodness, how I tried to be that. I wanted to be who I was before, I was constantly crying and saying to be husband "I just want to be normal again! I just want my life back!". It took an agonising decision that I couldn't be who I was before and that I needed to change things. I know I went through periods where I was very short with people - I would be apologising constantly for my short temper - and I have had to learn how to deal with this. I had never been someone who got easily angry before, and I had all the patience in the world - too much patience I have been told, and I put up with too much, post-stroke I have had to re-learn to be patient. I think some of it comes out of anger directed towards ourselves - we can't do what we used to do and so this anger sometimes comes out in the wrong ways. I feel a bit like my brain was reset when I had the stroke, I had to relearn everything, physically, intellectually and emotionally. I feel like I went through my "terrible two's" and "fearsome three's" again, I know there was a lot of anger, tantrums and so on, but I learnt to control all that. And yes, there have been phases where I was quite self-centred, but I think that came out of the quite severe reactive depression, and a level of despair for what was going to become of me. I was medicated for depression for two years post-stroke and the medication helped at the time.
On another note, have you read anything about the Kubler-Ross stages of grief? I know these are based on research done on people who are dying and on their loved one's reactions, but I think there are some good learnings there for everyone.
I hope this has helped you, and I hope you can get some support. Don't despair, there is help and support out there (and on here too!).
Kat