How do I help my mother who believes that she now sees her husband…

My mother had a stroke last Saturday. She rang my brother and I frantic saying that she couldn't find my dad because she had cooked for him and he hasn't come home yet. This raised a red flag because my dad has been passed away for over 16 years. After a MRI, ischemic and hemorrhagic stroke were found. Now one week on she talks to me saying how he is at home and will be worried as to where my mum would be. Its like she hallucinates. She is confused at times where she is at the moment always questioning as to what part of the hospital she is in. We are saying that my dad has passed but she isn't believing us. She will be progressing to rehab in the coming days. How can I help her?

Hi Ang,

Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry to hear about your mother’s stroke and her current confusion. This must be a really hard time for you and your family. I hope your mother’s condition is improving. She is lucky to have your support.

The first thing I would suggest is to raise your concerns with her treating doctor. It would be good to get clarification on what is causing the hallucination and confusion and whether it is delirium on top of her stroke impacts. It’s not uncommon for older people to experience delirium when they are in hospital. This can be caused by a range of factors including stroke, trauma, infection or reaction to medication. You could ask for a review by a psycho-geriatrician or psychiatrist who are specialists in these behaviour changes and who may prescribe medication if necessary. You can read more on delirium here.

There are a few things that may help support her. You could bring in familiar items from home like her favourite photos or blanket to make the environment safe and more comfortable. You could also try to help orientate her to the day or time by having a clock or updated calendar that can be crossed off. Hopefully the nursing staff will support this approach as well. You could put up a sign in her room saying ‘Mum you are in the stroke ward in the XX hospital’

If your mother believes she is seeing your dad who has passed away over 16 years ago, questioning that may cause more agitation, frustration or anxiety. You could say ‘ok mum’ and redirect or distract her, so that you are not lying but also not engaging with this false belief. Hopefully over time this will improve. Here is a link to a resource for family members on how to manage hallucinations and false beliefs that may be helpful. Here is another resource that might be helpful. While the resources are from Dementia Australia, the approach to your mother if it is a short term delirium she’s experiencing would still be appropriate.

If you would like to discuss further or need further support please don’t hesitate to call StrokeLine on 1800 787 653 (Mon-Fri 9am- 5pm AEDST).

Warm regards,

Kath