What can I do to deal with loss of identity after Stroke?

Hi Denis

thanks for your encouragement. Sorry for the delay in my reply - I forget to look at this site!       I think I have improved in attitude quite a bit since my original post.  I think just asking the question "who am I?" has somehow got me thinking and resolving this topic.  Also I posted it when I was at my worst during the summer heat when fatigue was a real issue.   I am pleased to say I am so much more sprightly in this cooler weather and have trained for and been appointed in a voluntary job with Community Visitors Scheme in SA - visiting and inspecting Mental Health and Disability facilities.

It is a challenging job and I love it, and makes me appreciate what I have got, rather than what I miss.  Now I just need to get myself organised into a social life that matches my needs and one that I can manage.     All the best to you.   Regards Julie

Hello.

I had my lucky stroke coming up 2 years in January.  I was only 36 when i had mine. Identity. Yes well.

I focus on what i can do now not what i cant.  Easier  said than done i know. I cant use my left hand at all which really sucks but im amazed  at what i can do with out it. Im job hunting  at the moment. I have interviews  all the time but noone as yet has been able to awe past my disability  i walk funny and my left hand bobs around luke a little t rex arm. Im really aelf conscious  of it. But i need to learn to lovethw new me. Its tough because  i was in such a great place  until stroke tore a gapping  hole in my world. But im alive  and im awesome.  I think we need to learn to love us. For what we have. No things willnever be the same  again.  Its not such a bad thing. Ive learnt so much im a better person  for it. I will love me again someday.  I have to.  Its all going to be ok. We survived.  Look at  us go. 

Yay us. 

Hi Belinda

thanks for your encouragement. Sorry for the delay in my reply - I forget to look at this site!       I think I have improved in attitude quite a bit since my original post.  I think just asking the question "who am I?" has somehow got me thinking and resolving this topic.  Also I posted it when I was at my worst during the summer heat when fatigue was a real issue.   I am pleased to say I am so much more sprightly in this cooler weather and have trained for and been appointed in a voluntary job with Community Visitors Scheme in SA - visiting and inspecting Mental Health and Disability facilities.

It is a challenging job and I love it, and makes me appreciate what I have got, rather than what I miss.  Now I just need to get myself organised into a social life that matches my needs and one that I can manage.    

With regards to crying - I have the opposite response, I cry (or try to stop myself crying) a lot.  But it is easier to manage as time goes by. And as for friends, most of them were linked with past work and its all to hard to keep up with them.  I need some new friends, who I can keep up with, so that's my next goal.  Keep in touch.    All the best to you.   Regards Julie

thanks for your encouragement. Sorry for the delay in my reply - I forget to look at this site!       I think I have improved in attitude quite a bit since my original post.  I think just asking the question "who am I?" has somehow got me thinking and resolving this topic.  Also I posted it when I was at my worst during the summer heat when fatigue was a real issue.   I am pleased to say I am so much more sprightly in this cooler weather and have trained for and been appointed in a voluntary job with Community Visitors Scheme in SA - visiting and inspecting Mental Health and Disability facilities.

It is a challenging job and I love it, and makes me appreciate what I have got, rather than what I miss.  Now I just need to get myself organised into a social life that matches my needs and one that I can manage.     All the best to you.   Regards Julie

Michael have only just found your words of creating a Brand New Me . Those words hit a spot with me. I know I will never be the former me. Now I can stop struggling with that. Thankyou.  Jenny

thanks for your encouragement. Sorry for the delay in my reply - I forget to look at this site!       I think I have improved in attitude quite a bit since my original post.  I think just asking the question "who am I?" has somehow got me thinking and resolving this topic.  Also I posted it when I was at my worst during the summer heat when fatigue was a real issue.   I am pleased to say I am so much more sprightly in this cooler weather and have trained for and been appointed in a voluntary job with Community Visitors Scheme in SA - visiting and inspecting Mental Health and Disability facilities.

It is a challenging job and I love it, and makes me appreciate what I have got, rather than what I miss.  Now I just need to get myself organised into a social life that matches my needs and one that I can manage.     All the best to you.   Regards Julie

Thanks Bill for your encouragement. You sound very motivated.   Sorry for the delay in my reply - I forget to look at this site!       I think I have improved in attitude quite a bit since my original post.  I think just asking the question "who am I?" has somehow got me thinking and resolving this topic.  Also I posted it when I was at my worst during the summer heat when fatigue was a real issue.   I am pleased to say I am so much more sprightly in this cooler weather and have trained for and been appointed in a voluntary job with Community Visitors Scheme in SA - visiting and inspecting Mental Health and Disability facilities.

It is a challenging job and I love it, and makes me appreciate what I have got, rather than what I miss.  Now I just need to get myself organised into a social life that matches my needs and one that I can manage.     All the best to you.   Regards Julie

Hi Frank    thanks for your encouragement. I hope you are singing your heart out. Have you thought of volunteering your musical skills in Hospitals/Mental Wards?  

Sorry for the delay in my reply - I forget to look at this site!       I think I have improved in attitude quite a bit since my original post.  I think just asking the question "who am I?" has somehow got me thinking and resolving this topic.  Also I posted it when I was at my worst during the summer heat when fatigue was a real issue.   I am pleased to say I am so much more sprightly in this cooler weather and have trained for and been appointed in a voluntary job with Community Visitors Scheme in SA - visiting and inspecting Mental Health and Disability facilities.

It is a challenging job and I love it, and makes me appreciate what I have got, rather than what I miss.  Now I just need to get myself organised into a social life that matches my needs and one that I can manage.     All the best to you.   Regards Julie

Hi Sally,   I can only wonder what it must be like from a Carer's perspective.  It is hard enough figuring it out from our side of the misty world of post stroke!  Your husband is fortunate to have such support from you.  I do it alone.  But I think I may have recuperated faster for being alone...except for loneliness and not having someone to support me emotionally.

thanks for your encouragement. Sorry for the delay in my reply - I forget to look at this site!       I think I have improved in attitude quite a bit since my original post.  I think just asking the question "who am I?" has somehow got me thinking and resolving this topic.  Also I posted it when I was at my worst during the summer heat when fatigue was a real issue.   I am pleased to say I am so much more sprightly in this cooler weather and have trained for and been appointed in a voluntary job with Community Visitors Scheme in SA - visiting and inspecting Mental Health and Disability facilities.

It is a challenging job and I love it, and makes me appreciate what I have got, rather than what I miss.  Now I just need to get myself organised into a social life that matches my needs and one that I can manage.     All the best to you.   Regards Julie

Hi Julie and everyone,

Enableme is such a great place to have this conversation with people who have lived the journey (stroke survivors and carer or as some of my friends like 

Oops sorry, I accidentally hit "post", iPads are tricky!

As I was saying some of my friends like to refer to themselves as co-survivors as they and their partner have both survived the stroke.

My stroke was 14 years ago, I was 41, I am not married and don't have children, my career was very important to me, in the blink of an eye that all changed. Prior to my stroke I had spent a few years gaining management experience, I was able to get back to work part time but not in the roles that I had previously had done. My last three managers have been people that I used to manage, my approach now is to just go with the flow. I do know that I am lucky to get back to work.

Like most stroke survivors I have my own challenges but my philosophy is now "every day is a good day, even the crap ones!", I think the most important thing is finding what makes you happy, whether that is working (If that is possible), volunteering, a hobby or a musical bent, what ever it is, seize it and make it yours.

Brenda :)

Hi Brenda

thanks for your encouragement. Sorry for the delay in my reply - I forget to look at this site!       I think I have improved in attitude quite a bit since my original post.  I think just asking the question "who am I?" has somehow got me thinking and resolving this topic.  Also I posted it when I was at my worst during the summer heat when fatigue was a real issue.   I am pleased to say I am so much more sprightly in this cooler weather and have trained for and been appointed in a voluntary job with Community Visitors Scheme in SA - visiting and inspecting Mental Health and Disability facilities.

It is a challenging job and I love it, and makes me appreciate what I have got, rather than what I miss.  Now I just need to get myself organised into a social life that matches my needs and one that I can manage.     All the best to you.   Regards Julie

I admire you all and try to take inspiration from u all, but unfortunately I just can not accept the new me. Hate how I am and how I can not stand so many things that was my life. I always had an open house where any kids could crash, however, now it is just too much. I just can not handle noise anymore. Want to volunteer but my 5 specialists r still saying no and not totally agreeing on my medication. I will continue reading how awesome u all r and maybe one day I will get there. Just can not accept that I went from being such a strong caring help anybody person to what I am now.

Hi Goldy's Daughter.

I was also sensitive to noise and you will find that there are many others here that will be the same.

I must say that my experience led to the noise issue gradually improving. I personally did not feel like every day was good, had plenty of crappy ones but I paid less attention to them and more attention to the good days, which helped me have more good days, as I was looking out for them and celebrating them.

Hey you have plenty of specialists looking out for you, are they all Stroke Professionals?

I love this quote from Reinhold Niebuhr

I  had my stroke 11 months ago and some effects have lessened. My painful right eye is less painful, but this may be because I am a lot less clumsy. Originally I would poke it at least twice a day with the bunch of bananas masquerading as my right hand. My toothbrush also joined in the attack once or twice.

My sensitivity to noise has not changed but I have got a bit more used to it and frequently resort to earplugs when trying to sleep daytime.

My emotions were originally a great source of embarrassment, bursting into tears at the slightest provocation. I went to great  lengths to get this under control but even now I find they are only just below the surface and care must be taken. My temper too I take great pains to avoid losing, especially since now I havn't the voice to involve in an argument, the strength to even consider a fight and no legs to run with if I was losing!

Deigh